Mechanized Journal of the Future

Obviously's Retro Game Commentary

2009-03-02T16:23:00.002-05:00

It's been a while and I've been pretty bored so I started on a new project. I'm doing some retro game commentaries on Youtube, just for fun. I'm not really concerned if anybody watches them or not but if you've got nothing better to do why not take a look!

Pryamid Scheme Sales: Liars and Cheats

2008-11-11T09:43:00.011-05:00

Below is a letter written to one of my college professors about some recent job-search woes. I needed to vent my furor over these job predators and help the people who are fooled into working for them, making less money for harder work than the average person in retail. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dr. XXXXX,

It's been a while since graduation now and finding a job has been harder than I thought it would be. Even getting businesses to sit down and talk with me has been near impossible. I don't know whether to blame the current state of the economy or my own ineptitude, though I've been hearing that XXXXX is having similar problems.

In any case my job woes aren't the main reason I'm contacting you, but rather something I stumbled on during my search. The pyramid scheme. It's something I wanted to bring up because I think discussing this job-trap would be a good addition to the professional seminar. It's something that a lot of writers, especially those interested in PR, are likely to run into.

Most of these jobs pose as lucrative PR or Marketing firms. To name a few by name I found EFG Marketing, PURE Marketing, and Vizion Management (Though there are many, many more). These companies start by saying they're selective firms that only want the most dedicated and driven individuals. They'll contact you the same day or the day after you apply congratulating you and giving you some arbitrary reason why you're exactly what they're looking for. Their websites look professional enough, though they always seriously lack any real information.

They bring you in for an interview, which happens to be with maybe twenty other people (But I thought I was special!) then they proceed to sell you the job through their brainwashing techniques, for lack of a better term. You don't need to sell yourself for the job, you're already perfect, they try to sell you into a commission-based sales job that you don't want so they can promise you the world and abuse you like the replaceable sap you are.

Basically they prey on recent graduates who are new to the job market, don't know any better and have been having a difficult time starting their career. It makes me furious because it's wasted my time and almost my money. They post hundreds of job openings on sites like Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, and Yahoo Hotjobs. Let this be a lesson to me that entry level writing and PR jobs aren't easy to come by and when you see them in droves because some strange company you've never heard of is “opening a new office” you should approach cautiously.

The website Ripoffreport.com has user submitted experiences with pyramid-scheme companies and every job searcher should check it out before applying for a job that may not be what they think it is. Nobody let me know that the job market isn't all sunshine and roses, there are predators out there looking to use struggling, wide-eyed college grads.

Anyway, I hope you've been having a better semester than my last few months. I just wanted to share my mistakes with you with the hope that none of your future students will have to make them.

Sincerely,
XXXXX

Barack Obama: Yes We Did

2008-11-05T14:59:00.004-05:00

It's finally over. Perhaps I can actually stop talking about politics for a while. The polls were accurate, and at around 11 pm last night Senator Obama became President Elect Obama in an electoral landslide. A political shift has occurred in this country and our new president is going to be facing challenges that we haven't seen since FDR took office. For better or worse, the United States of America is entering a period of change and after this historic event, we've gone from living in depressing times to exciting ones.

So what's going to happen? Will the race issue get better or worse? Will President Obama get our flailing economy back on track? Will the war in Iraq finally come to a close? I don't know the answer to any of these things. Right now I feel a combination of relief and pride and I believe that last night was something that I'll never forget. It doesn't feel like the Democratic party won last night, it feels like America won last night.

Election Day 2008: It's Time

2008-11-04T07:47:00.003-05:00

Go out and vote. Double check which candidate you checked off especially if you're using computerized voting machines. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't vote. Make sure you fill out a real ballot and not a provisional one. Make this election end differently. It's your civic duty.

270toWin 2008 Polling Tracker

2008-10-30T12:47:00.001-04:00

McCain's Pennsylvania: The Hate-Land

2008-10-22T13:28:00.005-04:00

Things are starting to get pretty bad in my home state of Pennsylvania, and I have to say at times I'm disappointed in both sides of the fight. This election is bringing out the worst in everybody and I wish it would just be over with already. But in the case of McCain, he's created a monster with his negative campaigning. Tying Obama to terrorism with lies and Muslim extremism by emphasizing Senator Obama's middle name. This isn't the only video like this out there, and its by no means even the worst example of belligerant McCain supporters, but since it took place in Pennsylvania which is where I live and where I believe this election will be decided it's the one I chose to include. It's scary really, its like watching people come out of the shells of their normal daily lives to give a brief peek at who they really are deep down inside, and it isn't pretty.

I think Colin Powell put it best when he made his endorsement, what if he was a Muslim? So what? That sort of speaks for itself. All of a sudden Muslims can't be Americans? Another video showed the McCain campaign in a more positive light, where McCain party officials came out to silence anti-Muslim McCain supporters. Unfortunately that's not the case here. This isn't just a fringe of McCain supporters as he wants us to believe, this is an entire string of Pennsylvanians being disrespectful and at times down-right offensive and even racist. It makes my blood boil that people like this can exist in an civilized country, let alone my own country, and even my own state. Worse yet, it's all done under the guise of being a patriotic "Real American" as if it's some kind of free-pass to be a bigotted, ignorant asshole.

Now I understand the context of this video isn't 100% fair. Nobody likes to be confronted by protesters they don't agree with, and some people just don't like protesters in general, but we have a constitutional right to do so. It's kind of funny how a lot of these people are all for the second ammendment but if it was up to them the first, a much more important ammendment, would be done away with. If they were for the moral values they say they are they'd turn the other cheek, but they'd rather create drama. What's worse is they're doing so on camera. These aren't comments they make in private (I'm sure those are far worse), these are comments they're not ashamed to be caught on film saying.

Honestly I don't care if you vote for McCain or Obama. Your judgement and your world view may be completely different than mine. The problem is that demonstrations like this are showing more and more that it's hate fueling some of these votes and not facts or issues and that's what scares me. And as stated the McCain campaign is partially to blame for this even if McCain has tried to tone it down and confront these people, it's too late for that now. I'm seeing shades of the 1960's and honestly that's a decade I really don't feel this country needs to repeat. It's like some of these elderly people put the time of their life and their mentality before the civil rights movement into a deep corner of their pockets, waiting for this day when they could pull it out again. It's gotten to the point where I honestly fear for Barack Obama's life if he wins this election.

Back in the primaries Obama made what he called "his biggest bone-headed move" when he talked about Pennsylvanians clinging to their guns and God at a campaign stop in California. The truth is it may have been a bad political move, but he was absolutely right. Because of people like this, we're the laughing-stock of the civilized world right now, and to go from the most influential country on the planet to one big joke is a travesty. This needs to end. America needs to change.

Election 2008: The Final Countdown

2008-10-11T20:35:00.008-04:00

Hello blog! No I haven't forgotten you. I've just been a combination of busy/lazy/frustrated with the current state of political affairs. A lot has happened in the presidential race since I last blogged about it. A lot of my opinions have changed and since we're in the home stretch this may be the last time I get to talk about it.

In 2004 a man with a funny name gave an incredible speech at the Democratic National Convention and I stated that Barack Obama would be our next Democratic president.

And in 2008, yes, I still support Barack Obama 100%, now maybe even more than ever. Republicans have fought tooth and nail to crush Obama in the last few months and he's somehow stayed ahead in the polls, giving me some hope that most of America is either getting over or getting sick of dirty politics. Obama is the only one offering me the things I need such as good healthcare without worry of being rejected for my pre-existing condition and much needed tax hikes for the wealthy so that we can start balancing the budget and maybe paying off a bit of this ridiculous $10 trillion debt we've racked up. I'm also looking forward to the Democrats restoring some of the regulations that we've been busy repealing since the Reagan years and what's gotten us into this sorry mess of a economy that's spiraling into oblivion and bringing the rest of the world down with it.

As you know if you've read my blog in the past, I wrote that out of all of the Republican candidates running for election that I liked John McCain the most. He was the most liberal candidate, he wasn't afraid to ruffle feathers within his party, and because of all that he seemed like the most likely Republican to run in a post Bush world. He used to be harshly critical of Bush despite his voting record and he seemed to embody the bi-partisan spirit that the United States needs right now.

Well all that's changed. McCain who never really pandered to the evangelicals before was now pandering to the religious right. Absolutely ridiculous attack ads started to pop up such as Barack Obama's association with William Ayers, a former domestic terrorist member of the Weather Underground. Let's just ignore the fact that today he's a successful English professor and a valued member of the Chicago community, even at one time winning a person of the year award. That's okay though, just say that Obama is working with terrorists and don't explain it to make it look like he's done something wrong. So let me get this straight, if I took a class with Ayers would I be a terrorist?

Anyway, a big bomb dropped when McCain announced his candidate for vice president, Alaska governer Sarah Palin. Oh dear God. McCain who said he'd chose someone he was close to and could work with choses a woman he only met twice in his entire life. Now why would he do that I wonder? That's right, to go after angry Hillary Clinton fans or people who will vote for anything involving a vagina because they think they'll be voting for gender equality or some bull. Well I've got news for you, neither McCain or Palin supports equal pay for equal work for women so I wouldn't believe Palin's statements about breaking the glass ceiling. Not only was this obvious and insulting to women voters, but Palin is also an Evangelical and pro-life to get the religious right crowd in line since McCain has never been particularly popular with them. Way to alienate all of the feminist voters in the process. I have a hard time believing John McCain really wanted this woman as his running mate. He's gone from the "maverick" centrist he claimed to be to a simple tool of the Republican party ever since getting their nomination. I guess that was the stipulation.

She delivered a cute lil' ol' country gal speech at the Republican National Convention and for a moment McCain pulled into the lead. She re-invigorated the Republican base and attracted media attention away from Obama, something the McCain campaign was seriously struggling with in the early months. Unfortuntely for McCain in terms of intelligence when Palin isn't performing a practiced speech she's the second coming of Mr. Potatoe himeself, Dan Quayle. She was crushed in interviews with Charlie Gibson and especially Katie Couric who were just trying to learn more about the Governer and her beliefs and ideologies. She proved herself completely unworthy to take the place of McCain if he were to die in office and the campaign railed against the media claiming they were trying to smear Palin when all they were doing is what they were supposed to do, ask questions and recieve answers. Well McCain, you wanted more media attention, you got it, deal with it. Claims like sexism and "gotcha" questions are absurd, the media is not as biased as people tend to believe it is. Making the media an enemy instead of a friend is never a good idea since they're your bridge to the public. It's hilarious to hear Republicans call journalists "elitists" in any case. The best thing to come out of Sarah Palin is the Saturday Night Live skits with Tina Fey who is a dead ringer for Palin.

With the economy dropping like a rock and Obama trying to discuss the issues, McCain has resorted to throwing everything he has left at Obama like a handful of spaghetti and hoping something will stick. The Ayers thing has come back with a vengeance and McCain has attempted to sew seeds of distrust among the American people. This has been good and bad for him. The Republican base is eating out of his hand but the general public seems to be getting frustrated. The country is in a time of crisis, Obama is offering hope and answers, McCain is offering the school-yard bullying tactics of the Republicans when they're down in the polls and people really don't want to hear it. Do we hear Obama cry about Sarah Palin abusing her power in Alaska? No, because that's not what's important right now. Another unforseen consequence of McCain's negative campaigning is he's gone a bit too far in brainwashing is supporters. People going to his rallies and making threats on Obama's life or calling him an arab or saying they're scared for their children's safety in an Obama presidency is making McCain's supporters look like the party of lunacy and it's not helping him one bit, in fact it's forcing him to reign back some of the negativity he's unleashed. It's a bit too late in the game to close Pandora's box however.

So yeah, I'm a little biased, and I'm furiously dissapointed in what John McCain has become during this election and I really see he's not the man I thought he was initially. I usually say that people should vote for what they truly believe is right, to ignore my ramblings or take from them what they like and toss out what they disagree with. In this election however, the country is in dire need of a serious change of direction, and John McCain is not it. I urge anybody out there who might stumble upon this rant who is of voting age in he united states to help elect Barack Obama our next president. If I'm wrong, and the country is worse off in four years then you can say you told me so. I've said it to Bush supporters 2004. I predicted the worst economic disaster since the great depression if Bush were re-elected, and now in 2008, here we are. Put aside any social disagreements you might have with the Democrats and think economy, think national debt, think jobs, think energy, think environment, and think blue state.

DS Game Review: Bangai-O Spirits

2008-08-15T17:05:00.011-04:00

Last year when I was told this game was coming out I did not believe it. There was no reason for me to believe it after all. Bangai-O was an obscure action title for the Nintendo 64 (in Japan) and the Dreamcast (International release) and the Dreamcast version was the one I had originally played. It doesn't look like a Dreamcast game with tiny little 2-D sprites and fairly mediocre graphics but once the action starts to ramp up you realize why serious hardware is required to play it.
The game was developed by Treasure, a small privately owned developer in Japan. Ever since one of my favorite games, Gunstar Heroes, Treasure has dedicated themselves to making the games that they want to play, catering to a hardcore video game crowd not just by making difficult arcade style games, but making difficult arcade style games that reak of quality. Their shooter hit Ikaruga has made them synonymous with oldschool style games. Though it wouldn't be fair to say they're trapped in the past as they take old concepts and twist them with new and innovative game mechanics and graphical experiments to create something positively unique.
Though they often times make licensed games, or even work as a second party to big companies like Sega, Nintendo, and Konami, Treasure has even managed to make excellent games with licenses and under pressure from much larger developers. They're the little team that could, and every once in a while one of their sought after original titles is released. Unfortunately, Treasure games are targetted at a niche audience, so often times they're not produced in high numbers and quickly become rare. In any case I could talk about Treasure for hours, but I'm here today to talk about Bangai-O Spirits.
Up until about the Gameboy Advance era, Treasure wasn't known for releasing sequels. Their policy was that once a game is finished, it's a complete work, and there's no need for a sequel. This changed a bit as Treasure said if they feel like they can improve upon a game they're revisit it. Though you can argue whether or not they have improved upon past games with their sequels is up for debate, but we'll save that for another time.

Bangai-O didn't seem like an obvious choice for a sequel. It was well recieved but not very widely known. There was room for a sequel with more levels and what not but it was also fine as a stand-alone title. The premise of the game is that you fly around in this little (at least the sprite on the screen) robot and you'd launch either homing missiles or reflective lasers at your enemies. The gimmick was the more danger you put yourself in the more missiles (up to 400!) you could launch when you used your special attack. The sprite-based game could cause so many bullets and explosions to fill the screen that it would even cause the Dreamcast to grind to a hault with slowdown. Some people would say this is a bad thing, but when you're playing a Treasure game you'd feel ripped off without slowdown because it means they weren't trying hard enough. It also helps you adjust to the frantic pace of the game so its mostly intentional. In any case the game was also filled with horrible Engrish which was hilarious and a, well, sort of a story? All that mattered was that the game was ass seeringly difficult yet it was one of the funnest, most addictive, and unique games on the Dreamcast.Bangai-O Spirits isn't a direct sequel, but it expands on the original in almost every way. Obviously, you've got more levels and new weapons which make the game a bit deeper and more strategic than the original. The weapons allow you to mix and match like Gunstar Heroes with varying results and melee weapons like the sword and the baseball bat change the dynamic of the gameplay completely. Some weapons are perfect for one level, and completely useless in the next, forcing you to use your head and promoting trial and error. For most games trial and error sounds like a bad thing, but in Bangai-O and Spirits the levels short enough that even if you die for the umpteenth time you don't get frustrated and you usually know what you did wrong which is amazing in a game where most deaths come from being swarmed by bullets. Another interesting thing about Bangai-O is that not all levels are balls-out action, but rather slower paced puzzles, which really helps mix things up and keep it interesting.
Besides your regular shots which you have a selection of mixing and matching now with the regular homing and bounce shots to the more exotic drill-tipped break bullets or napalm missiles, you can do the same for your special "EX" slowdown-creating-screen-clearing-blast-of-death. Reflect works sort of like the game Giga Wing where instead of launching your own missiles you send the enemy projectiles back at them. There's also an EX move that lets you freeze time for three seconds which doesn't seem like a lot but in this game it's an eternity. Direct is another EX choice, which clumps all your shots together for one devestating forward blast. The game's tutorial references the "Wave Motion Cannon" from Space Battleship Yamato when explaining Direct EX. The EX attack works a little different from the original game. Not only do you have to put yourself in direct danger to make a bigger blast, but also you need to have a few seconds to charge up before releasing in order to get the full potential. Because of the DS's graphical limitations it can't do the 400 missile shots, so instead it makes your missiles larger and larger for the maximum of 100 of the largest missiles that are about three times the size of Bangai-O itself and it's truly a sight of devistation to behold. In the original game you also refilled your EX bar simply by causing explosions, here however the "space fruit" isn't just for points, and you need to collect it in order to refill your EX bar making things a little more challenging.
Unlike the original game there isn't really a story, which is fine because there really shouldn't be one. The tutorial introduces a few characters and makes some self-referential humor, definitely displaying that they know what kind of gamers they're targetting with this niche game. It's pretty amusing I don't want to spoil it, and there's even an "ending" of sorts after you beat the "Treasure's Best" levels. Speaking of levels, I didn't count, but there's apparently over 160 in the US version which has been tweaked and improved over the Japanese one which is also common for Treasure titles.

I haven't tried to multiplayer yet, but it exists, and the game also comes with a level editor which is Treasure's wat of addressing the original game coming to an end. Interstingly, the game uses a "sound transfer system" and you can save custom levels to your computer by recording the sound, then put them on the Internet for other people to download by playing the sound through headphones over the DS microphone. I have tried this with some custom Japanese levels and it works great. Lots of American levels are popping up on Youtube already and I hope the trend continues so I'll have an excuse to keep playing this game for years to come.
Treasure has delivered one of the best titles on the DS, though it isn't for everyone. Casual gamers might find themselves scratching their heads at the difficulty, the unique gameplay elements, and non-linearity and lack of any kind of story. Hardcore shooter fans and even puzzle-gamers might find a lot to like about Bangai-O Spirits however. Though it doesn't replace the original game, it makes a lot of adjustments and improvements to the formula that really makes this a must have for fans of the first Bangai-O. At first I griped because it doesn't control the same, using two x/y axis in a sort of Smash TV or Robotron sort of way. Once you get used to it though it becomes second nature and the game gets a bit easier. Once you learn the pros and cons of the various weapons and attacks and the weaknesses of the enemies the difficulty shouldn't scare you away like it would for say, Contra 4, though this game was designed with Treasure's fanbase in mind, so expect to die... a lot... Unlike Contra however the deaths never seem cheap or frustrate from the addicting gameplay.

In any case don't be afraid to try something new and support one of the most dynamic privately owned video game developers in the business. I've been getting reports that this game is difficult to find in stores due to it being a niche title and not being heavily produced, so grab it before it becomes rare! Trust me, if your mind is sharp and and your reflexes are in need of a workout then Bangai-O Spirits will deliver. BANGAI-O! GO!
Score: 10/10, it's not for everyone but it perfectly achieves what its set out to do and is one of the best, and most unique, games on the DS.

Top Ten Science Fiction Capital Ships

2008-07-30T09:32:00.024-04:00

Capital ships: the big boys that make up star fleets and lead the charge into the cosmos. These are the vessels that the heroes of space opera often times call home and are the most important pieces of technology in space science fiction. So which ones do I think are the most noteworthy? Find out below!

10. NadesicoNumber 10 on any list is usually the least serious, the one that only made the cut because the writer couldn't think of anything else to put here. This is true for the Nadesico, a ship that in one way or another parodies all of the others on this list. Nadesico takes the features from many famous capital ships like the big main gun, the unique form of travel (which is explained throughout the plot of the show and believe it or not doesn't involve going faster than light) and like most anime battleships a platoon of robots to do its fighting.

What makes Nadesico truly unique is its crew of misfits from the plucky and ditzy female captain who somehow manages to be a tactical genius to the robot pilot who just wants to be a chef. Let's not forget the fan favorite emotionless 12 year old girl who controls the ship's computer either. All of the complex relationships and off-the-wall comedy of the show was bound together by the common thread that was this ship which became a symbol for everyone living on it while in their own special way trying to bring peace while being a civilian built and operated vessel, stuck in the middle of the hopeless military and mysterious invaders.

9. Millennium Falcon
Why so low for the famous Millennium Falcon? Well I wrestled over whether to include it or not, as a freighter it's not technically a capital ship. Size doesn't always matter however, it's importance that gives the ship its nature as a capital vessel and with the "modifications" made by Han Solo this baby isn't just a simple freighter anymore. Also after serving as a command ship in battle I think it's safe to list the Millennium Falcon here in its rightful place alongside other capital ships of note.

The Millennium Falcon is an excellent design. There's just no way you can look at a top-down silhouette of this ship and not instantly recognize it. The designers managed to construct a vessel that looks both slapped together and totally bad-ass at the same time. And bad-ass it is, this little ship had a bigger effect on the Star Wars universe than an entire fleet of Star Destroyers and is partially responsible for the destruction of both Death Stars. Of course, it's the captain that ultimately determines the success of a ship and the Falcon practically is Han Solo personified in machine form. Simply put this ship is the ultimate underdog, the good-hearted pirate you can't help but root for, the stuff that starship legend is made of.

8. Space Battleship Yamato
Probably the silliest ship on this list, in my opinion at least. Basically in a future where the Earth is destroyed by aliens, you take the ruins of the Japanese World War II battleship Yamato and slap a faster-than-light engine onto it and a really, really big gun.

This classic anime is not one of my favorites and honestly I haven't seen a whole lot of it, but it's important to list here because it opened the door and set the standard for future star-faring capital ships. It's titular "wave motion gun" would be copied by nearly every anime with giant space ships as a means of giving the title ship a big trump card weapon. Though the ship itself is a little corny it never the less marked an important turning point in anime which was changing from simple children's programming to hard science fiction, starting with Yamato's inspiration.

7. Klingon Bird of Prey
Well this ship has worked its way into so many episodes and movies of Star Trek that it would be a shame not to include it here. Fans argue about its size and its specifications mainly because nobody really cared about keeping the scale consistent in all of its appearances but we won't be getting into that here. The bird of prey combines the best of Klingon and Romulan designs from classic Star Trek to create one of the coolest bad guy ships in science fiction. Oh, and did I mention the sucker can cloak?

Despite its original purpose, to serve as cannon fodder for the Enterprise's photon torpedoes, the bird of prey is a ship class that has accomplished a lot of important things in Star Trek history. One forced the original Enterprise to self destruct, that same ship was used to get the crew back to Earth and travel in time to save the whales (if you don't know don't ask). The "to be or not to be" cloaked ship duel in Star Trek VI was one of the greatest moments in franchise history, and another bird of prey, still in service after all this time, managed to destroy the Enterprise-D. The Klingon Empire will probably never stop using these little ships which have the honor of probably being the most successful and longest running line of vessels in the Star Trek universe.

6. White Base
If Mobile Suit Gundam is the Star Trek of Japan, the White Base is the Enterprise. Called the "Trojan Horse" by its space colony inhabiting Zeon rivals due to its strange silhouette the White Base is indeed a unique ship that might not be terribly pretty but it gets the job done. Though heavily armed and armored White Base's true trump card was the cargo it was specifically designed to carry, large mecha called mobile suits, and in particular the Earth Federation's fearsome prototype, the Gundam.

Along with Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica, Gundam's White Base was one of the earlier takes on the aircraft carrier in space concept with a catapult system to launch its combat units. Full of rookies and refugees the White Base and its prototype weapons still proved to be an important factor in winning the One Year War, mainly because Zeon tended to be so obsessed with the vessel and its cargo that they forgot they should be trying to win the war instead of chasing after White Base which indeed lived up to its "Trojan Horse" name as it served as a distraction for the Federation's main forces. In the end however White Base did serve bravely in the final conflicts of the war and helped bring an end to the Zeon uprising, at least temporarily.

5. TCS Tiger's Claw
Speaking of aircraft carriers in space, that's what the main vessels of Wing Commander literally are. Bare with me here, I'm talking about the games not that god awful 1999 movie. I mulled over which ship deserved to be on the list and I came to the conclusion that by virtue of being the first and the most often referenced that the Tiger's Claw deserved the spot. The original inspiration was to have a World War II esque naval war in space and the Tiger's Claw certainly does capture that feeling a bit. You get a real sense of pride for your mothership as you attack and defend your way through the Vega sector in a bold campaign to block the cat-like alien Kilrathis' clearest path to Earth.

Though the regal powerhouse that is Concordia is my favorite Wing Commander cap ship it's the Tiger's Claw that kicked off this epic space opera and the trailblazing cinematic video game series that followed. It embodied the idea of what a space navy is and made you feel like a part of a greater whole. On the Claw you were part of a family of other pilots, risking your lives day after day and sticking your necks out for one another only to come home and schmooze with them over a drink and take a nap in the pilot's barracks with its mysteriously leaky ceiling. The Tiger's Claw kicked the Kilrathi out of the Vega sector, hunted and destroyed a prototype Kilrathi dreadnaught, and ended a genocidal holy war making certain that nobody would ever forget its contributions to the Terran Confederation. Her doom at the hands of top secret Kilrathi stealth fighters would also lead to the twisting and turning plot of Wing Commander 2, full of heartbreak, betrayal and revenge making it one of the greatest PC games of all time.

4. SDF-1 Macross
Macross is perhaps the most important or at least noteworthy ship in the history of Japanese animation. It’s the main attraction of what’s probably the single greatest space opera in all of anime. This powerful vessel has a main gun that would make the Yamato blush and a giant robot battle mode. Its compliment of normal and transformable mecha adds to its firepower along with a (nearly) impenetrable barrier system. Yet none of that really matters. The Macross is but one ship rebuilt from alien wreckage and pitted against a fleet of hostile giant aliens called the Zentradi who only live to wage war. Deep inside the ship, which is massive for humans but just a tiny gunboat to the Zentradi, is a rebuilt city of refugees making a futile attempt to survive.

Still, the Macross does survive battle after battle through luck and the will to protect the refugees of Macross City, and the effect that human culture has the Zentradi starts to become apparent. The city itself, especially its famous singer Lynn Minmei, becomes the secret weapon against the Zentradi as human culture infects their ranks and teaches them that there’s more to life than war. Macross survives spectacular battles while exploring the human condition. It’s powerless to prevent the bombarding of the Earth against superior Zentradi forces, but in the end it becomes the saving grace of all humanity.

3. Battlestar Galactica So they may have just been knocking off the Star Destroyer when they designed this one, that’s okay. Probably the biggest influence for future aircraft carriers in space, Galactica is a fearsome battleship with a compliment of state of the art fighters called Vipers. It’s the last of its kind, the fleet of twelve now dwindled down to one and the home colonies of its people laid waste in a genocidal attack by the mechanical alien Cylons. The Galactica is now the flagship of a rag-tag civilian fleet, searching for the mythical 13th colony called "Earth."

Despite being the obvious inspiration of the new Battlestar Galactica series, this at first glance Star Wars rip off is an interesting, if not campy, show in its own right. I’d go as far as to say that the Galactica itself served as the inspiration for a lot of space operas that came after it, especially those that focus on interstellar combat with fighters and carriers. No matter what George Lucas says, it’s undeniable that Galactica has been an important influence in science fiction. It had the single ship weekly adventure feel of Star Trek with the grandiose war going on like Star Wars. If you can handle the space disco and guys with pretty perms from the late 70’s there’s a lot to like about this big and tough battle cruiser that could.

2. Imperial Star Destroyer One of the most imposing ships of all time, the Imperial Star Destroyer needed to be near the top of this list. Nothing makes rebel scum shit their pants like a fleet of these massive vessels, armed to the teeth with giant blaster cannons and hundreds of TIE fighters and Storm Troopers. Their design is so simple, basically just a triangle with a bridge attached, yet something is so cold and brutal about them that they’re the perfect ship to symbolize the iron fist of the Galactic Empire.

Regretfully we didn’t get to see these ships do a whole lot in the movies but sit around and look angry though it was heavily implied that they outclassed the rebel’s fleet in every way imaginable. Games like TIE Fighter expanded upon their combat usage and roles as carriers as well as battleships. In any case I don’t care what science fiction universe you reside in, an ISD paying you a visit will ensure that you’re not going to be having a good day.

1. USS EnterpriseThere was never any doubt what number one would be on this list. The USS Enterprise in all its many incarnations as it’s difficult to pick just one and they all share the same design lineage anyway. No matter what angle you view its silhouette the Enterprise is easily recognizable. The genius design by Matt Jefferies made certain that it would be unique and memorable and after all these years that hasn’t changed a bit. The Enterprise introduced us all to the idea of large capital ships in science fiction and to many except for people reading novels and short stories it introduced the idea of a space navy as well even though the Enterprise was on a peaceful exploration mission it was still a warship as well when it needed to be.

The interesting design comes from the ideas that Matt Jefferies had about the ship being smooth since it was so high-tech that visible machinery wouldn’t make any sense. He separated the engines from the main saucer section under the pretense that they would be so powerful it would be dangerous to have them connected to the living quarters. Along with her crew of adventurers the Enterprise would be thrown up against alien warships, false gods, doomsday weapons, hijackings, and just about anything else you could imagine and always come out on top. It’s become probably the most recognized space ship in the world and the Star Trek franchise shows no sign of dying off or even slowing down as we head towards the next movie. Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Mobile Suit Gundam, just about every work of space science fiction owes its existence to the Big E.

Well, I guess I have to say which Enterprise is my favorite now don’t I? Trust me the answer isn’t hard. Andrew Probert’s redesign for the movie is without a doubt the most beautiful starship ever created. Taking Matt Jefferies’s ingenious but woefully dated original design and turning it into the majestic, timeless creature that is the Constitution Class Refit is nothing less than a work of true artistry. Too bad they don't make physical models anymore.

Can We Fix it? No We're Fucked!

2008-06-25T13:59:00.003-04:00

So now that the general election campaign has finally started I’ve had a hard time following the news. The Democratic race has mentally drained me and probably a lot of voters who had to put up with Hillary and Obama beating each other’s heads in. I have to say it is pretty amazing that this happened though considering George Bush Jr. got reelected I guess anything is possible in politics. Though I said the first time I ever saw Barrack Obama that he would one day be the President of the United States, I was pretty resigned to believing that Hillary would eventually come out on top. I guess I shouldn’t get into trying to predict political stuff since I’m usually wrong, not that anybody in the media knows what they’re doing anyway. The polls, the big impressive charts and graphs, it’s all BS.

Anyway here we are, general election woo, the Democrats can work together now right? Right?! Unfortunately one of my political predictions did come true, at least partially. The rift in the Democratic Party that still exists is unacceptable. The tooth-and-nail race that the candidates ran has left grudges in its place, some of which with unimaginable consequences. Hillary Democrats swearing their allegiance to John McCain.

It’s one thing for them to “refuse to vote” due to the loss of their matriarch but it’s another thing to vote for the Republican candidate. And it’s not that they’re doing it because they think he’ll be a better president but rather just to spite Obama for having the audacity to beat Hillary in the primaries.

I know, I know, things like Florida (I fucking hate Florida, they mess up every election they touch. If it were up to me the entire state would be disenfranchised permanently. Sorry Floridians, no offense. Please teach your government how to run an election.) and Michigan delegate woes were a little underhanded though they’re lucky they got counted at all. I also know that I gave McCain a bit of a thumbs up in the past if only because he was better than the other candidates offered by the Republican party. However, since becoming the presumptive nominee, the once independent-style McCain seems to have fallen in line with his party as if they held a gun to his head and told him that if he didn’t act like Bush they’d pull the trigger.

Now let me get this clear right now, I think McCain is smarter than Bush, I think he’s a better man than Bush. I don’t think, however, that McCain’s policy of staying Bush’s course if he gets elected is the right direction for the United States. I also fail to understand how Hillary supporters can look at McCain, look at Obama, and decide that McCain better represents their interests when McCain’s stance on the issues couldn’t be further away from Hillary’s. Let’s not forget than in early Republican debates, McCain was right there with everyone else bashing who they thought they’d be running against, Hillary Clinton, with comments that bordered on school yard bullying and sexism. And this is the man they’d rather vote for than the Democrat whose stances are in all honesty nearly identical to Clinton’s? What's worse is most of Hillary's die-hard supporters are middle class voters who are truly struggling in the current state of the economy yet now they're going to vote for somebody whose view on the economy is to keep it running the same way it has been in the past eight years and expect it to get better? I don't want to make this an issue of race or anything but seriously, sometimes I wonder.

It leads me to only one conclusion. It’s a popularity contest, it’s like “reality TV” more than it is a government election. People weren’t going to vote for Hillary Clinton because they liked what she stood for, they were going to vote for her because they just happened to like her. And just like the immature kids these voters are they’re going to jump ship because I guess they never really gave a damn about what the Democratic Party is trying to accomplish anyway. If they’d rather have a Bush sequel then they can bring it on themselves. I just want to make this plea to these people, if any of them for some strange reason happens upon my blog. Just DON’T VOTE. If you feel neither of the candidates represent you, you have the right and the privilege to not vote. If you’re upset with the party, it doesn’t mean you should support someone whose views are the polar opposite to your own instead just because your candidate lost. Hillary isn’t supporting Barrack Obama because somebody is making her, she’s doing it because it’s what all Democrats should do and she wants her supporters to do the same and even that hasn’t fazed some of them.

I know most of those Democratic voters are in the minority, or at least I hope they are. Though I’ve been a supporter of Barrack Obama from the beginning I truly expected him to lose and was prepared to offer my full support for Hillary Clinton. This needs to be the year that Democrats can finally come together to try and do something about the current state of our nation. Somebody needs to restore the world’s faith in the United States and retune a failing economy. If you think John McCain is the man to do that then I’m fine with your decision and your opinions. If you think Hillary Clinton was that person and you’re voting for McCain out of spite, then you seriously need to rethink your action before the ballot is cast.

Political Highlander?

2008-05-28T17:44:00.005-04:00

I'm not sure if Time was aware of the hilarious pun they were making with this cover. It sums up the state of the Democratic Party pretty nicely though.

I wonder... which one is MacLeod and which one is the Kurgan?

Movie Review: Iron Man

2008-05-07T18:40:00.013-04:00

It's been a very mecha-ish last couple of weeks for me. Today it's Iron Man which I saw last Saturday in a pretty classy theater I might add. As I said before in a much earlier blog post about the release of the Iron Man trailer I have been waiting for this movie since I was a child. Iron Man is my favorite super hero and it's been a torturous time waiting for him to get his turn on the big silver screen. The wait is finally over, so did the movie disappoint?

Two words: HELL NO!

I have to say there have been a lot of bad comic book movies. Some are good movies but poor adaptations and others are good adaptations but poor movies. Iron Man somehow manages to be both. Iron Man is the first effort by the brand new Marvel Studios and they were of course very respectful of the source material, something I was really afraid that they wouldn't be. Iron Man's origins have been messed with a lot over the past but the movie stays very close to Stan Lee's original origin except it moves it from the Vietnam War to a more contemporary Afghanistan location in order to avoid making the film a period piece.
In any case everybody who knows Iron Man knows what happens at the beginning. Billionaire industrialist and weapons designer Anthony or rather Tony Stark takes a little trip to a war zone to show off his newest weapons. To make a long story short he's wounded with shrapnel to the chest, has his life saved by a fellow man of science named Yinsen who helps construct an electromagnet that keeps the shrapnel from digging deeper into Tony's wounded heart, and Stark builds a big bad suit of powered armor that he uses to make his escape.
The movie focuses on business rival, in this case business parter, Obidiah Stane as the villain. When Tony returns from the middle east after finding out that people have been using his own weapons against the US army he's ticked and decides to take matters into his own hands. He announces that he's done building weapons and his company takes a sharp drop in the stock market, something Stane doesn't like very much. Tony builds a new and much more advanced suit of armor and returns to the middle east to get rid of the weapons he created while Stane gets his hands on the prototype Iron Man designs. I don't want to say much more since I've spoiled enough already. Go out and see the movie for yourself.Robert Downey Jr. is the perfect Iron Man as he plays the most amazing lovable asshole any human being could create. The man simply is Tony Stark and he's gone through similar trials and tribulations in his real life as Stark did in his comic book one. His chemistry with Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts is ripped almost exactly as it should be from the comic book. Stane could've used a little more developing but as it is Jeff Bridges plays an excellent manipulative and bad ass villain.
Some people complain that there isn't enough action but the superb story telling and comedic elements make up for it. I'm inclined to agree but the action that is there is incredible. The suits look real and almost as if they stepped down from the comic pages and onto the screen. The action is easy to follow and thrilling to watch as well. I for one am glad that the movie isn't a CGI fest. There's a lot of special effects that aren't CGI and they also look fantastic and really make the movie feel that much more real.The actors have all signed on for three films (The next one scheduled for 2010) and with hints and promises of the Mandarin and War Machine you better believe I'm looking forward to them. If they're any bit as good as this first effort then look out for the next few movies from Marvel Studios as well including a new Hulk, Captain America, Thor and of course when they all join together in The Avengers.

10 out of 10: If you ever liked a single comic book movie go see this one now. I may be biased a little though, just a little.

Giant Robot Review: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

2008-04-22T17:02:00.010-04:00

As a fan of anime mecha I have of course known of 2007's Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (TTGL from now on to save on typing) for some time now. It's been getting immensely popular, not just among fellow mecha fans but surprisingly among general anime fans. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I don't know. Mecha anime usually has its strict niche audience but TTGL has managed to transcend that subset of anime geeks.

I shouldn't be that surprised, as Gainax is responsible for other popular mecha titles like Gunbuster and Neon Genesis Evangelion which have also made a big impact on anime, especially Evangelion which is perhaps one of the most popular and influential anime series in existence (even though I personally kind of hate it).

TTGL is set in the far future where humans are forced to live under ground. We don't know why right away and I don't want to give much away since there's still quite a few people who haven't seen the series yet and are waiting for the soon to be released DVDs. At the beginning we follow around Simon the digger, a young boy who... well... digs. He digs to help expand his village and does so dutifully, believing that digging is the only thing he's good at. Then there's his "big bro" Kamina with crazy sunglasses that end up becoming the icon of the series, and a hot blooded attitude that parodies/pays homage to super robot heroes of the old days. Kamina's dream is to break through the ceiling of their cave dwelling and reach the surface, something to pair achieve at the end of the episode after being introduced to robots designed around giant heads called Ganmen (or Gunmen I'm not sure what the proper romanization is yet).

The story that follows is filled with great super robot action, entertaining commedy, and heart wrenching drama. It takes the formula of the common super robot show, twists it to suit its needs, and creates an excellent show. The problem with a lot of super robot shows is they're really over the top, but their stories and characters leave something to be desired. There's always a sense of cliche especially in the OVAs based on older shows. This isn't always a bad thing, and there's a lot of purposely inserted cliches in TTGL, but they've managed to make a show that's both absolutely absurd with lovable characters and a story that keeps you on the edge of your seat at the end of each episode.

The first half of the show progresses predictably where an enemy shows up, the heroes scream really loud and through courage and hot blood the enemies are defeated. You never really see them as evil though early on they seem to fight for no good reason like most super robot bad-guys you learn at the epic climax of the show's first half that there was some method to their madness. The second half of the series takes a dramatic left turn and everything changes. In a way the show's plot covers a lot of ground in terms of anime mecha history, paying homage to a lot of old sources and deriving its story and design from them while somehow being fresh and original. Everything in the show ties together and even when things get really ridiculous or come out of nowhere there's usually a reason or the event was somehow foreshadowed.

That's enough about the story though as I really don't want to say much. The show's animation is superb, done sort of in the same style as Gainax's popular show FLCL while at the same time also resembling old style super robot anime. The result is a very kinetic show, especially the action which is frantic, breathtaking, and downright insane. It's full of eye candy for mechaheads and general anime fans alike.

There's really not much else I can say about this show other than kick reason to the curb and pierce the heavens! Go and watch it right now, you're in for a ride.

10 out of 10

DS Game Review: Front Mission

2008-04-14T17:10:00.008-04:00

Although I got the game Front Mission months ago I finally got around to finally beating it mainly because I've been on one of my giant robot kicks again. I've known about Front Mission for a long time, but it's a series that's remained in Japan for the most part except for the PlayStation installment Front Mission 3 and the PS2 sequel Front Mission 4. I've played neither of those games though I'm no stranger to Japanese turned based strategy games/Turn based RPGs.

I found the original Front Mission for DS surreptitiously as I didn't even know it existed and I wasn't aware at first it was an enhanced port of the original Super Famicom game that for whatever reason (Probably Squaresoft thinking it too hard/complicated for their Western audience, something they did a lot of back then.) Knowing the name and the reputation it has among fans of mecha like myself I bought it for a bargain price that I still don't understand since everywhere I see it today is much more expensive.

In any case let's get to the actual game. Front Mission is a strategy role-playing game, with an emphasis on the strategy part. It reminds me a lot of Battletech in both the oddly Western robot designs and the whole squad based combat angle that the game takes. There are two scenarios you can play in, the beginner's campaign which is the original campaign from the Super Famicom original and the more advanced campaign made specifically for the remake so it's a little shorter. Both tell the same story from different sides of a war that's being fought on a newly formed island in the Pacific in the near future. The story is simple, but full of interesting plot twists as you uncover a military conspiracy. The same events happen in both campaigns, the second campaign referencing the first quite a few times, even having cameos from some of your characters in the first game. It was a neat addition, and I'm sure the Japanese kids who were addicted to this game when it was originally released really got a kick out of it. I did and I've only known the characters for a few months now.
Besides the leveling up of characters and learning skills aspect the game-play is really bent more towards the strategy aspect. You get over a dozen troops and you can literally spend hours tweaking and customizing your robots or "Wanzers" as Front Mission calls them. Wanzer is short for "Wandrung Panzer" which means "Walking Tank." You can choose which arms, legs, body, a variety of hand held and shoulder mounted weapons, and an energy boosting backpack that makes up your Wanzer. The customization is by far the deepest element of the game, though the combat isn't a walk in the park.

Basically your Wanzers are situated on a pseudo-3D isometric scene separated into a grid. The environments are pretty well drawn, upgraded from the Super Famicom version, and they range from all types of scenes from urban fighting to forests, mountains, deserts, etc. You move your Wanzers around on this grid, and a supply truck that can repair and reload if you have one, and engage the enemy from long, medium, and short ranges. The long range weapons like missiles and medium range weapons like bazookas are essential to success because an enemy can't counter attack when you're attacking them from a distance. The short range weapons like other guns and melee attacks however require you to get up close and personal and unless you destroy the weapon they're attacking with or stun them they'll most likely counter attack you. If you try to do a melee attack and the enemy has a gun however, he'll get the first shot. The damage is randomized and you can destroy an arm, legs, or torso, the latter causing the entire enemy to blow to smithereens if you destroy it. Later in the game you do get the skills to target certain parts and it helps immensely.
When you attack somebody the view changes, and you get to see your little customized robot kick ass in a nicely animated and more detailed little scene. Every part has its own sprite which makes the customization even more interesting. My only complaint about combat is just how broken long range attacks are. You're limited on missile ammo but they're usually rather powerful and they don't require you to put your units in danger. There's also items like chaff that throw off missiles but for the most part missiles are insane and I've won entire missions with long range barrages alone. They don't completely break the game though, and I really enjoyed the simple combat as well as buying new weapons to see what they do.

I also need to stress the length of this game. If you go through both campaigns you're looking at easily over 60+ hours of game-play especially if you're obsessive compulsive about customizing your Wanzers like I was. This game is best in small doses though, I really don't recommend anybody sit down and go through several missions at once because you really need a break after some intense tinkering with parts and fighting for your life in a mission only to be presented with a whole new collection of parts.

I can't really recommend this game to everyone because you need to devote a lot of time and effort into it to really get the most out of it. If you do give it a chance though you're in for a lot of the old Squaresoft magic with an intelligent story, inexplicably fun game-play, and lots and lots of robots beating the crap out of each other. I don't know why Squaresoft didn't release this on the Super Nintendo but I think it would have been a classic in the West if they had. As it stands now the game is a bit dated, but that shouldn't be a problem for anyone who enjoys old-school graphical style as it's certainly not ugly just dated compared to what the DS is capable of. There are some sweet CGI cut-scenes in the second campaign at the very least. It's a game that I feel like I missed out on that I'm glad the Nintendo DS let me experience.

8 out of 10

Getting my Emo Ducks in a Row

2008-04-03T19:15:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted anything mainly because life has been such a shitstorm that I haven't had an opportunity to worry about anything enough to post. Obama is still black, Hillary is still ugly, John McCain will eat your babies, none of that has changed really so who cares.

This past week especially has conspired to crush my will and turn me into a depressed lump who has to complain about his problems to make-believe people on the Internet. I'm still on a failing path to not finding an internship and time is running out. I'm barely staying alive in Spanish class and to make matters worse I lost my actually lost my Spanish book so I can't even study for a quiz tomorrow. To make money worse I got a $42.50 fine for an accidental traffic violation from a few weeks ago, hooray. I failed one stinking part of my comprehensive exam which I'll have to probably retake. With my personal life my grandfather keeps whining about dying and my cousin might have cancer and everybody else in the family has some kind of God damned ailment to worry about including myself.

It's times like this I withdraw into myself. I never solve my problems because I just sit back and let them consume me. I try not to complain about anything in my life, except on the Internet where I can do so without fear of some made up repercussions and as such here I am right now. I start to question whether I belong here in college, if I wasted time and money and I disappointed my family and myself. I'm scared to death of failure that seems like a distinct possibility at this late in the game. The university itself doesn't make it any easier considering they want you to stay here your entire life and keep injecting them with money.

My professional writing group internship meeting today was probably the last straw. People admitted to not having an internship yet, but when it was asked who didn't have any idea at all what they were doing I was the only one left raising my hand. I was pretty visually shaken after than and sat there for a while until just about everybody left. One of my best professors sat down to talk to me and offer me help but I was too out of it to really say much at that point. I went to a bathroom stall and just cried for the next ten minutes, feeling like I was having a psychotic break. I try to act tough both online and in real life, but I'm a weak person with a weak will who's easily beaten. Stress always wins which is probably why I have a stress related illness which is the only thing that isn't helping to screw with my psyche right now thankfully.

I feel lost already, thrown to the dogs and I'm still in school with people who can help me but I'm afraid to ask for the help because I either don't know how to or don't know how to be helped as if it will cheapen me somehow. I don't really know what I'm even talking about right now to be honest. For at least over a month now I've been in a period of self-loathing and self-depreciation that can't be healthy yet I'm slipping into it more and more deeply. The problem is the more I get myself down the less likely I am to do something about it, the more likely I am to sit here and feel bad about myself.

I've always followed the credo that there's always somebody out there that has it worse, that really has a reason to be upset, but that's bullshit. As a human being it's my right to be upset. If I can't handle this nonsense what am I going to do once I'm out of the safety net of the education system? What will I do when I'm buried in debt trying to find a stable job in an economy that's slipping deeper and deeper into a recession while I detach myself further and further from reality. Maybe it's because I grew up in an era of unparalleled hope and optimism only to live in an era of depression and pessimism as an adult that I'm not well suited to handle the real world and if that's the case why should I bother trying if I'm not going to be happy?

In any case I'm sorry to be an emo duck, filling the tubes with e-drama as if there isn't enough of that already. If this all manages to blow over somehow I'll continue posting regularly until my next awkward emotional phase. If not then don't expect very many posts from now on. Thank you for being a tool of catharsis mien blog.

Scientology, the Internet, and You

2008-02-18T14:13:00.005-05:00

I guess I've been quiet on this topic for too long now though I feel like a slowpoke for commenting on it now. If you've been reading the blog out there in cyberspace somewhere you probably already know I'm a pretty outspoken person when it comes to scams and religious nonsense and general foolishness like conspiracies and "holier-than-thou" attitudes. As such, I feel I need to write something about the current events spawned by the Internet.

Scientology has been getting a lot of press lately, especially because people love to watch Tom Cruise do stupid things. Scientology has also given us some laughs in the past like the absolutely attrocious John Travolta movie Battlefield Earth. Not everything about it is a laughing matter however. Scientology has been blamed for luring people into their group and slowly indoctrinating them, forcing them to pay more and more money to learn the secrets of the "religion" which gets more and more absurd and involves space aliens and I'll stop now because it's all been said before. In any case if you try to leave or criticize Scientology you usually find yourself on the receiving end of legal action and harassment. Their policies which include not wanting their followers to medicate themselves and their absolute hatred of psychology (they base most of these beliefs off of L.Ron Hubbard's Dianetics) has at the very least caused one death, a woman by the name of Lisa McPherson. In any case you can do your own research and make your own conclusions on what some call a religion, others call a cult, and I call a corporate enterprise.

A few weeks ago a Scientology recruitment video staring Tom Cruise was leaked onto the Internet where it was promptly made fun of. Scientology sprung into action to have this video removed and in most cases they succeeded though Gawker.com saw the video as newsworthy and decided not to remove it even after threats of legal action. This didn't really matter anyway because the video had already made its rounds and everyone saw it and parodies even made it to late night television shows. The attempt to suppress/censor the Internet however caught the attention of some people. These people are known as "Anonymous."

If you know who Anonymous is, then you have one of a few reactions to them. You're one of them, you're apathetic towards their acts, or you absolutely hate them. If you don't know who Anonymous is let me just simplify it by saying they're a loose group of people (thousands of people) from various websites who troll/grief the internet looking for amusement from it. Sometimes this comes in the form of hacking, sometimes they're more creative and prankster-like. A few of Anonymous's acts have spilled over into the real world and they've even pranked a few celebrity's like Tom Green and bankrupted the former internet radio show host and white supremacist, Hal Turner. Sometimes they have a good reason for attacking people, but most of the time that reason is because doing so will be funny. They can get away with whatever the hell they want on the Internet because they have their anonymity and there's so many of them and they know it. This makes the best way of fighting them not to fight them. Of course Anonymous is mostly comprised of college age computer geeks but they've got people all over the world of just about every race, gender, and age.

And so began Anonymous's grudge against Scientology. The opening shot was a DDOS (denial of service) attack against Scientology's website which managed to take it off line. That wasn't enough for Anonymous however and something really interesting happened. On February 10th Anonymous took to the streets in the real world, protesting the church of Scientology world-wide, donning V for Vendetta style Guy Fawkes masks in most locations to protect their anonymity while speaking out against Scientology. The crazy group of Internet griefers had manifested themselves in the real world. In only two weeks the power of Internet communication and organization had launched a worldwide campaign. This has now become a real war. Anonymous peacefully attacked every corrupt facet of the Church of Scientology all because Scientology couldn't keep Tom Cruise's giant mouth shut. The protests were peaceful and a complete success. The old-school protesters were amazed at this new army's formation over night. I have to admit, it was nice to see people in my generation stand up for something even if there are better things to protest than Scientology.

Unfortunately Anonymous is known to get bored, that is unless Scientology continues to provoke them and thus continues to make Anonymous laugh. For the first time in Scientology's history they had nothing to litigate, nothing they could counter-attack. I don't know what repercussions all of this will have, as Internet culture is a strange thing to outsiders and seeing it appear outside the Internet is nothing short of a coming cultural revolution. The Internet is changing society in the same way that television changed it before that, and radio before that. All I know is that I'll be eagerly watching.

Fight Anonymous, for everlasting peace!

Obama vs. Clinton: We're All Screwed

2008-02-04T11:39:00.000-05:00

"Super Tuesday" is tomorrow, that means over twenty states will be voting in their primaries, making me feel a little helpless in Pennsylvania since ours isn't until April. You see PA actually decided to follow the rules of the Democratic convention and not move their primary up, thus keeping its delegates, while states like Florida thought they could get away with it and that their delegates will be counted anyway. Let's just say there's going to be a lot of drama at the convention this year when that issue comes into play.

In any case while McCain picks up steam surprisingly, (though a McCain win in November would mean at least four more years in Iraq) Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton are duking it out over every issue including the incredibly stupid issue of race that Mr. President Clinton decided to bring up. I wonder if he was trying to sabotage Hillary or something with that one.

The election is months away but with the election coverage and the primaries every other day it feels like it's already here. The only problem is it's more like Democrats vs. Democrats than Republican's vs. Democrats. There's one serious problem that the Democratic party has always had that causes Republicans to win elections. They just can't get along. There's so many different sects of liberalism and not all of them look favorably at one another. We've got Hillary representing white elitism and the promise of returning to the Clinton years and Obama representing change in government and overcoming racial prejudice and stereotypes.

Then we have the Republicans, all of which the same kind of old white men who've run this country forever and I don't know if the United States is ready or willing to change that any time soon. Sure the Republicans have taken a lot of serious pot-shots at each other but the war between Obama and Clinton is ridiculous. They're going to tear each other limb from limb until the Republicans don't even need to dig dirt because the Democratic party did all the digging for them.

Obama is popular. Clinton is not popular but people trust in her experience. I've met a lot of people who vehemently hate Clinton though they can never give me a rationale explanation as to why. It's always some crack about her being a woman or that "Something about her just bothers them." Obama haters are usually on the Republican side, with comments as stupid as "because he's black" or "his name sounds Muslim." What infuriates me is I truly believe that Americans will place their votes based on reasons like these no matter what happens between now and November.

Though the Democratic National Convention isn't until the end of August we'll at least be closer to seeing who the candidates will be for president, and I sincerely hope that the race isn't even close. One of them needs to be knocked out, and considering both Obama and Hillary are fine candidates who would be serving their party better by complimenting one another instead of flaming each other on camera, I don't give a damn who wins and who loses. All that matters is the Democrats stop shooting spitballs at one another if they want to win an election for a change. The abysmal track record of the new Democratic majority congress certainly isn't going to help them out.

Faux News: Video Game Sex

2008-01-22T15:38:00.000-05:00

I think this video pretty much speaks for itself. Fox News shows again and again why it's a bad idea to have a news source that fails to be objective. Everything about this "report" or "debate" or whatever you want to call it is misinformation charged with group think and school yard bullying. They invite one person who actually knows what's going on and do nothing but bash him and not let him get a word in.

I don't even really care about the game in question, Mass Effect, but it's the way that Fox News handles itself while pretending to be a serious news network that makes my blood boil. First of all Mass Effect's sex scenes are hardly the "full frontal nudity" that Fox News would like everyone to believe it is. They act like the game, which is a sci-fi space opera role-playing game revolves around the sex while most players will get through the game without even running into it.

There are a few things that really jump out at me with this video. The first is that they really never even consider opinions that are against their own. None of them have played the game or even understand video games (Mass Effect never objectifies women and in fact you can play as one). They believe that the video game market is still solely dominated by adolescent males which is untrue as more females are getting into video games and other generations, like mine for instance, who grew up with them are still playing them. They completely ignore the child-lock out feature of the X-Box 360 which will prevent children from playing mature rated games, and they also ignore the ESRB ratings completely. Why is it that we let rated R movies get away with horrible depraved things but when a video game has a M rating, one which means nobody under 17 should be playing, all of a sudden that rating doesn't mean anything?

The most cutting line comes at the end when there's a halfway intelligent comment about how at the end of the day it's the parent's responsibility to prevent their children from playing games that will be harmful for them, which is answered with, "Unfortunately." So there you go. Conservatives have admitted on live TV to being bad, lazy parents.

God forbid if these people ever found out what would happen if their children typed the word "tits" into Goolge Image Search.

Giant Robot Review: Tetsujin 28 (2004)

2008-01-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

Giant robots started as alien threats or destructive weapons in pulp science fiction stories. This all changed in the sixties with Mitsuteru Yokoyama's Tetsujin 28 (literally Iron Man 28). In the West most people would more readily recognize the name of this robot as "Gigantor." This time the robot wasn't the villain, but a super hero, controlled by a young boy who worked to defeat evil robots and other various threats to peace. Thus Tetsujin 28 launched the genre we all know as giant, super robots.

In 2004 a 26 episode series was produced in the same vein as the original series. Unlike the 80's remake that I know and love which was more of a re-imagining of the original, this series would stick close to the original manga, and use all of the admittedly dated original designs and the original story. When Tetsujin 28 was originally brought to the States as Gigantor, the story was completely changed since it involved a post WWII Japan and didn't really show the West in a positive light.
The new Tetsujin 28 series makes it across the ocean in an era where we all have the Internet so you can't lie to us and we live in a culture where censorship isn't quite as prevalent as it used to be. As such it's untouched and in its original form. The story takes place in 1955, the end of American occupation and the start of Japan's rising new economy. It's interesting to watch this show simply because you're watching post WWII Japan from their perspective and you meet all sorts of characters with different ideologies about the war, and the new era of peace. Interestingly enough though, you never hear the word "atomic bomb" muttered even once though the bombings of Tokyo play a role in the story.

That post war theme is at the core of Tetsujin 28. The early episodes deal with Tetsujin's sudden appearance which explains how it was a secret Japanese weapon developed for use against the United States before the end of the war. At the same time new dastardly secrets and immorally created weapons of mass destruction are uncovered and while people debate over whether Tetsujin is an anachronistic weapon no longer needed in the current Japanese society or a tool that can help Japan's rise, it's put to use to put Japan's other dark secrets of WWII back to rest. The debate of what a weapon is, and if weapons can be used for good or evil purposes is also a major part of the story, and you get the feeling that they're probably talking about the atom bomb here. Japan is portrayed as a nation confused about it's identity, its place in the word, and it's people are justifiably afraid of weapons that could bring even more pain to their defeated country.
The hero is Shotaro Kaneda who is forced to control Tetsujin, the creation of a father that he never knew. Shotaro is portrayed as maybe a bit too perfect in terms of personality as he's a "genius boy detective." He is however, fallible, and makes rash decisions that a young and confused boy his age would make. Tetsujin is practically defeated as many times as he succeeds and Shotoro is locked in a constant moral struggle over whether Tetsujin should be used in combat at all. One thing he becomes certain about is that weapon or not, Tetsujin is the only thing that's left of his family. The supporting characters and villains are all excellent as well, constantly shifting sides and motives as situations change and battles are won and lost. The series is directed by Yasuhiro Imagawa who is also responsible for the anime classic Giant Robo which itself is nothing more but a gigantic tribute to Mitsuteru Yokoyama's creations, including Tetsujin 28. As such anime fans who have seen Giant Robo will see a lot of familiar faces in this, like the pink jacket and fedora wearing Kenji Murasame. The show moves at a decisively slower pace than Giant Robo, but much of the same melodramatic tone and insane plot twists that made Giant Robo so popular is present here. In fact you'll probably have a few deja vu moments in this if you've seen Giant Robo.

The animation style as mentioned before is a retro art design taken straight from the original from the 60's. I've heard a lot of complaints about this, but it's beautifully animated, and personally I prefer the cartoony old-style of anime to the generic look of today's shows. If you don't like the retro look then this will be a problem for you, but for me it's one of the reasons I wanted to see this series. Giant Robo has the same look, though it's not animated quite as well as that even though it's several years newer. They weren't trying to go over the top and I think they did a good job of keeping the classic integrity of the original.
The opening story arcs really set things up for things to come, with the first half of the show dealing with the secrets and tragedies from the war that are still lurking around, threatening to slow or stop the progress of post war Japan. The second half of the show deals with new threats, outside influence and competing economies with groups that threaten to reignite war, or possibly destroy the entire world itself with Japan's most secret of WWII weapons. The show lags a bit in the middle, with filler episodes that both introduce and kill a baddie in one half-hour. The show picks up again at the end and relentlessly throws drama onto poor Shotatro, perhaps a little too thickly. After that the plot twists and bends until it builds up to the final encounter, and the ultimate fate of Tetsujin.

If you're here for mindless giant robot action, there are better places to look. The action that we do get is excellent and well animated, but the action sequences are few and far between compared to some other shows. Tetsujin 28 is also from a time before robots had all sorts of powerful and exciting weapons so lots of hands on metal crunching is involved. The robots are also all admittedly ridiculous looking, including Tetsujin, but that's part of the charm especially when you consider these robots are being built in 1955 and they should look ridiculous.
It's not the greatest anime ever, but if you were a fan of Giant Robo you should find a lot to like here. It's a fitting tribute to the original boy and his robot show that was the basis of inspiration for an incalculable amount of fiction including things like the absolutely excellent Iron Giant. It's so important that Akira, one of the most important manga and anime works ever is basically one giant homage to Tetsujin 28. If you were ever wondering about the origin of giant robots but you find the old show a bit too corny to stomach this might be a good show to look at. The story that hooks you with its lovable characters, twisting plot line, and post WWII drama from the perspective of Japan was enough to keep me watching and the giant robots and science fiction themes just wound up being a nice bonus.

Even though it's slow at times I think this is a real A-list anime that everybody has overlooked because they want their shows with the generic mass produced modern look that made anime popular here in the United States, or maybe they just thought this was another generic mecha show. I think if it would've been shown on TV here that it probably would've gotten a cult following like The Big O. Either way it was enjoyable enough for me to marathon all day and even though I don't think it's as good as or as important as its predecessor, Giant Robo, the new Tetsujin 28 is a fitting tribute to its late creator, and a look at historical aspects of Japan that you don't often hear about, or want to hear about, here in the United States.

I give it an 8.5 out of 10

NES Classics Volume 1: The Super Mario Bros. Trilogy

2008-01-07T15:36:00.000-05:00

So now that my Generation NEX is here, and I've got to tell you this beauty is leaps and bounds over the Yobo FC Ga me Console in both style and game compatibility, I've decided it's time to start talking about a few NES games. To get things started, instead of discussing one game, why not talk about the system's three star titles. That's right, the portly princess saving plumber and his 8-bit trilogy of Super Mario Bros. I won't review these per-se because of nostalgia goggles, and despite the fact that all I'm about to say has been said before, I'd like to talk a little about each game in the series that both Nintendo and Mario household names.

Super Mario Bros.

In the video game industry there's a lot of arguing over which games are the best examples of certain genres or which games are the most important or influential. One thing you won't hear argued is that Super Mario Bros. is simultaneously one of the greatest games and the most influential game ever created.

Super Mario Bros. was probably the first example of a modern video game that was designed to be fun instead of eating quarters or frustrating the player. The controls were finely tweaked (very few NES games managed to duplicate the sublime play control of the Super Mario games) and there was a sense of purpose to what you were doing. The gameplay was deceptively simplistic at first: jump on your enemies and get to the end of the level. Surprisingly, controlling Mario turned out to be inexplicably fun and the more you explored the deeper the game became. That simple "save the princess" plot meant a lot back in the day, because unlike most games at the time there was a goal, an ending, you could actually beat it instead of being faced with a "game over" screen.

The enemies were all recognizable instead of just random jumbles of pixels. Just about everyone knows what a Koopa or a Goomba is. How many video games have had minor enemies that have become that well known? The power ups were another new concept that gave the player something to work for. The difficulty is a near perfect balance and the game can be beaten simply with enough practice. Secrets scattered throughout the game kept people playing to try new things and get through levels in different ways. To this day I can still return to the game and have fun playing it despite the fact that I've beaten it more times than I care to remember and I've been playing it since before I was sapient.

Though they don't look like much today the graphics were also a huge leap over what we were used to seeing. It was amazing at the time to look at something in a video game and immediately know what it is. I haven't even mentioned the simple music which is still catchy and recognizable today, perfectly designed to keep looping without the player getting annoyed with it.

Super Mario Bros. inspired countless sequels and spin offs, thousands of clones, and did several things for the first time that video games are still doing today. It brought video gaming back from the dead after the crash in 1984 while completely changing the way we looked at and played video games, starting a trend that would make them a part of our every day lives. Hats off to you, Super Mario Bros. You are truly a work of genius.

Super Mario Bros. 2

Super Mario Bros. 2 is the black sheep of the trilogy, like any trilogy be it video games or movies there's always the awkward one that's love it or hate it. There's a damn good reason for this in the case of Mario 2 as just about everyone who's ever played a Mario game already knows, Mario 2 was not the "original" Super Mario Bros. 2 though its place in the Mario canon has become solidified as the official one.

The original Super Mario Bros. 2 is what America received on the SNES Super Mario All Stars compilation as The Lost Levels though it can now be obtained in its NES form for the first time ever in the Western world via the Wii Virtual Console. The Lost Levels or rather the Japanese Mario 2 uses the same basic graphics with a few tweaks to the sprites from the first game. The major difference to Mario 1 is that it amps up the difficulty to an insane degree. Rumors say that we didn't receive that game because it was either "too difficult" for Western gamers or it was "too similar" to the first game and it would've disappointed fans who were seeing the NES pulling off more and more impressive tricks. Don't get me wrong, despite it's difficulty it's a great game, and in reality the 8-bit story of Super Mario is a quadrilogy instead of a trilogy.

The Super Mario Bros. 2 that we got started as a Nintendo platformer called Doki Doki Panic. Everyone's heard the story by now so let me cut it short by just saying Nintendo swapped out the sprites and gameplay elements for Mario ones, tweaked and improved the gameplay, and slapped the Super Mario Bros. name on it. This lazy move was completely unnoticed by NES owners who welcomed the sequel to one of the greatest games ever with open arms. Rumors about the original Super Mario Bros. 2 surfaced as a playground legend until it landed on Western shores for the SNES. It's amazing when you think about it because with the Internet today you'd never be able to get away with something like this now.

The first thing you noticed about the game was it's graphics. They're a major face lift over the original and I'm certain that's one of the reasons Nintendo chose to remake Doki Doki Panic in Mario's image. The second thing you'll notice is you have a choice of four characters, the brothers of Mario and Luigi of course, Toad of the mushroom people, and even the Princess herself. They all have different jumping abilities (Mario is the same as always, Luigi flails his legs to stay in the air longer, Toad can't jump worth shit, and the Princess is the most unbalanced character in the game because she can float for a short period of time) and different levels of strength (how fast they can pick things up).

When you get into the game, jumping on the enemies doesn't kill them, it doesn't even phase them, they'll just keep right on walking. You have to pick them up and throw them at other enemies to kill them. You can also pull radishes and other weapons from the ground to chuck at your opponents. All of Mario's familiar enemies are gone in this game, replaced by Doki Doki Panic's cast of baddies and instead of power ups you find mushrooms behind doors that you create with some kind of potion (don't ask me) that add to your life bar, another first in the Mario series. When you're down to one life you shrink like in other Mario games, though unlike in other Mario games being small is just a graphical thing and has no distinct advantage.

Honestly I missed the familiar foes and gameplay elements and when I was little this game confused me a bit because it's certainly not a Mario game. Still, Nintendo told me it was, and at the time I believed them. It's certainly not a bad game, though one wonders if it would've been popular if it was released in its original form and not as a Mario game. Since we never got the original Mario 2 on the NES, or the unaltered Doki Doki Panic while Japan got our Mario 2 as Super Mario USA I feel kind of ripped off. Despite all its weirdness (which is explained in the game's ending as Mario wakes up from a dream), this game gave us something new and kept the franchise rolling to its next, biggest, and brightest achievement.

Super Mario Bros. 3

While Mario 2 kept held us over, most of us preferred the original formula, and there were a lot of mixed feelings about the game. Nintendo was busy taking that original formula and fermenting it, making it stronger, bigger, and better. The result was Super Mario Bros. 3, and despite being an 8-bit game many video game aficionados still consider this to be the greatest title in the franchise, if not one of the greatest video games ever made.

Mario fans were back to jumping on familiar bad guys, meeting a few new ones, and collecting new power ups. And my god were their a lot of power ups. After the old-school fire flower there was the leaf that for some reason gave you racoon ears and a tail and allowed you to whip enemies and fly. The immense variety of different suits and other new goodies to play with gave the series more depth than ever before. The gameplay retained it's simplicity, but there was just so much to do and so many well hidden secrets to uncover that you could waste months finding it all.

The game introduced us to the concept of a world map that we'd see in future games in the series, it added mini-games to collect lives and power ups, it even let Mario and Luigi duke it out in a the battle arena from the original Mario Bros. arcade game. The levels were once again perfectly balanced, where as both of the Mario 2's difficulties were a bit menacing and not quite as fair. Anyone could play this game and have fun and with practice they could beat it.

I still remember the gossip circulating about where to find the warp whistles that allowed you to skip levels and the ability to don the Hammer Brother's suit and wield the power of one of Mario's most fearsome enemies. Yes, the time before the Internet was certainly a magical place filled with mystery and intrigue. There's just so much in this game that surprises you like the world where everything is gigantic or the slippery ice world. Every new world is unique and full of surprises, all with the same inexplicable addictive fun that the original game had. If I had to choose one game to be stranded on a desert island with, this would be the game, since somehow Nintendo cracked the secret formula for infinite replay value when they made this game.

I don't know what else to say, it's hard to describe exactly how perfect and polished this game is. Nintendo took everything that was good about Mario up until this point and magnified it by a thousand fold. Some people believe that Super Mario World for the SNES is the definitive title in the franchise, but the fact that many more people, including myself, consider 3 to be the best, as well as one of, if not the greatest platform game ever made is testament to how incredible the game is considering it's built on vastly inferior technology. Nintendo knew the NES inside and out when they made Mario 3 and they squeezed everything they could out of it. They made music and graphics that should've been impossible to make and paired it up with that classic, perfectly balanced Mario gameplay.

Super Mario Bros. 3 ended the 8-bit era for Mario, though it paved the way for many more classics to come. It proved that lightning could strike twice and helped solidify Nintendo as a major force in the video game industry.

Conclusion

There's not much else to say. The NES trilogy of Mario games will probably fade from memory as kids grow up on more modern video game systems, but it's indisputable that the currently growing industry owes a lot to these three games. I might sound a little too glowing here, and I'm even a Sega Genesis obsessive so it's not a love for Nintendo that guides these ravings. With New Super Mario Bros. on the Nintendo DS the old Mario formula keeps on trucking without showing its age, and I can still play through the old games without getting bored. These games are truly timeless and stand for everything that video gaming is today. Other games may have come before this franchise, and more impressive games may have come after it, but none of them innovated like it.

Stupid People Tricks: Chemtrail Conspiracy Theorists

2008-01-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

I never heard of a "chemtrail" until a few weeks ago when some wackos were talking about them on a forum in one of Something Awful's "The Weekend Web" feature. It's a great feature in that it makes me angry and depressed just as much as it's absolutely hilarious because it features not only some of the most insane people that it's a wonder they can access the Internet, but entire forums full of people who agree with them.

I just finished watching a documentary on "chemtrails" which are supposed to be what any normal, sane, person would know as contrails. Instead of just water vapor however they believe these "chemtrails" are are actually planes dumping chemicals into the atmosphere to either effect the weather, experiment with mind control, or just outright poison everybody.

The Discovery Channel documentary tried to be fair to both sides, but it was pretty harsh and did a great job of disproving everything the conspiracy theorists had to say while the theorists themselves only had the shape of the clouds and the number of "chemtrails" to back up their theories.

The shapes of contrails, of course, are dependent on the type of engine, the altitude of the plane, and the fluid-like conditions of our upper atmosphere. How long they last, or if contrails appear at all, all depend on these factors. Basically they were just looking for things that looked different and used that as their evidence. I'm sorry, not all things are uniform in our world. A Ford Model-T and a Lamborghini Diablo are going to operate as differently as an A-10 Warthog and a 747 Airliner. The atmospheric conditions 10,000 feet above the position of an airplane will be different than the conditions that plane is flying through. The conspiracy crowd isn't worried about this though, to them a plane is a plane and they all fly exactly the same way.

The mind control aspect doesn't make any sense because then they'd be mind controlled and they wouldn't be able to come up with these theories but I guess their tinfoil hats protect them. The weather modification thing is at least based in some real science. Contrails are basically artificial cirrus, created by jet engines forming ice crystals in the upper atmosphere thanks to the water vapor their engines leave behind. Cirrus clouds do contribute to global warming, but the problem isn't any worse than what SUVs are causing every day. The poisoning theories are also ridiculous, if the "new world order/Illuminati" existed and wanted to kill you then they would've done it already instead of tolerated you posting their "secrets" on your hideous Angelfire pages.

Conspiracy theorists aren't much different than the radical Christians I've already spoken about. They're both looking to be part of something big, something that makes them feel special and important. Thinking they know something dangerous and that they can be heroes by telling the world about it really has to inflate your ego and make you feel good. It's all a joke though, and the only reason they do it is because they have nothing else in their empty lives to feel good about. I don't want to blame this on the South or Middle America... but let's just say most of the "chemtrail" videos on Youtube have telling southern accents (and even some trailer parks). All these people have to do is cash their welfare checks and come up with dastardly theories about the government that spoon feeds them. To escape brainwashing all they do is brainwash themselves. In any case it's impossible to argue with these people since they can't trust science when they don't trust scientists (also comparable to Evangelicals) so I'll stop ranting now.

I'm glad that I've been born with the capability to use my brain and ignore these modern day superstitions.

Post-Christmas DS Games

2007-12-29T15:56:00.000-05:00

So after getting The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass for Christmas and two additional DS games with Christmas money I've been a little distracted lately. I thought I'd write some quick reviews of some of this holiday season's best portable offerings. The DS is one of my favorite video game platforms to come along in a very long time. It's affordable and intuitive and full of that often quoted Nintendo "innovation."

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

Like most Nintendo franchises Zelda and I have a pretty good relationship. I'm not a hardcore fan, and I've always preferred the sci-fi styling and open-ended nature of the Metroid series, but you have to recognize the brilliance that keeps Zelda one of the most cherished and longest running video game franchises out there.

Recent Zelda games have fallen into two camps. The serious, more realistic looking Zelda that started with N64's Ocarina of Time, and the stylized cartoon-ish Zelda that started with the Gamecube title Wind Waker which hearkens back to the days of simpler graphics. Phantom Hourglass is part of the latter bunch and it fits the portable nature of the DS just fine.

The game is controlled entirely by touch-screen which made a few people cringe at first but it works so well and offers so many innovative game-play elements that it nearly makes my head explode. Nintendo wanted to make an example to other developers with this game and they use every inch of the DS from the touch screen to the microphone, they even have one puzzle that's solved by closing the system. The game was designed by a few of the people who worked on the SNES classic A Link to the Past and it certainly shows. It's a brilliant meld of both classic and modern Zelda, feeling like an old-school game but with imaginative new puzzles and ways of using old tools via the touch screen.

Memorable characters like the greedy and cowardly Linebeck and your over-eager fairy companion Celia don't hurt either. It's got a cute and funny story that doesn't take itself too seriously which helps break up the monotony between puzzles, and just about every part of this game is an intricate puzzle. Like most Zelda games it's chalked full of side-quests and secrets that will probably drag me back to playing it eventually. My only complaint is forcing you to revisit the starting temple several times and making you play it on a timer which was at times difficult and frustrating.

Still, this is by far the best hand-held game of the year and proof that the franchise isn't dead yet.

10 out of 10

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

When I first saw this, like a lot of people I laughed out loud. Call of Duty 4 for PC/PS3/X-Box 360 has been widely heralded as 2007's game of the year, and for good reason. The graphics are some of the best in any video game, ever. But the disturbing amount of realism doesn't end with how the game looks, but the voice acting, the way the guns function, the iron-sights, the artificial intelligence, the brilliant story and gut-twisting scripted sequences... all of this makes the game one of the greatest, most realistic war operas ever created. It doesn't leave you with a sense of glorifying war or violence, it leaves you with the shaken feeling that war is hell and something nobody should ever have to participate in. Call of Duty is a franchise that's been known for it's incredible WWII themed games and the fourth installment in a modern day setting with terrorists and crazed Russian nationals has been the kick in the pants that it really needed to put it over the top. Maybe it's because of the times we live in that make the game more topical and significant, but it certainly makes you feel like you're there with intense action while it rips out your heart and stomps on it with the grim reality of war.

The DS version doesn't quite have all that, but one thing is for certain, they made sure that they would strive for quality with the hand-held version and saw that it lived up to the Call of Duty name. All the intense action is there. The levels look good for the DS. The guns have their iron-sights. The scripted sequences are amazingly animated on such a tiny screen and really shocked and surprised me the first time through.

Instead of trying to replicate the entire experience of its big brother game it plays as sort of a side-story to the other versions of the game. You play as anonymous Marines and British SAS members that go on different supporting missions during the little secret war that you're fighting in. They managed to keep in little tidbits like the support missions where you're gunning off the top of a truck or in a helicopter, and they even managed to put in the high altitude level where you're the gunner in an AC-130, looking through a black and white radar scope and raining death from above to support your troops who are running around on the ground completing objectives. The variety keeps the game interesting and keeps you immersed the whole way through. The game also has a beautiful orchestral score and like its big brother, a load of voice acting with troops barking out orders and adding to the hectic action.

The AI isn't quite as advanced as the bigger brother version. Guys will still run out, duck behind objects, and toss grenades, they'll even pick them up and toss them back (you can toss them back too naturally, and you've also got flashbangs). For the most part though they'll just stand there and let you shoot at them. The hit detection is pretty good. If you shoot at the chest of your enemies you'll just be wasting bullets on their body armor, but a pop or two to the head will take them right down. Unlike the other versions of the game your allies are also dumb as shit, and except for a few rare occasions just stand around being useless.

The game was also criminally short and has no Wi-Fi online play, though it does have local multi-player which I'm looking forward to trying. I probably would've gotten bored if it were any longer though. As it stands the game shows just how well first-person shooters can be handled on the DS.

8 out of 10

Contra 4

In the history of video games, few titles evoke more swearing and admiration than the Contra series. This year is Contra's 20th anniversary and in celebration of that landmark, Konami has decided to give a little gift to its loyal fans. I've never personally been the biggest fan of the series but this is an important game and something that many people would've never thought possible in today's world of simple games designed so that anybody can beat them and move on with their lives. The appeal of Contra is you're going to have to have weeks, months, even years of practice until you memorize the levels master the delicate controls necessary to guide your one-hit-and-dead soldier through the perils of the Contra world.

Another reason this game is so important is because it's a direct follow-up to the SNES classic Contra 3: Alien Wars and it's the first traditional 2D contra game since the absolutely insane and absurdly hard Contra: Hard Corps on the Sega Genesis. This isn't surprising because the series isn't terribly popular in Japan and since I don't see too many muscular, American, machine-gun toting commandos staring in anime I don't have to ask why this is. In the West, Contra is viewed almost as a right of passage for the "hardcore" gamer, revered for its toughness and unforgiving level design. The bosses are brutal and insane and just about every moment of this game will have you screaming "You've gotta be kidding me, this is fucking impossible." Konami had an American team design the game and despite being only the second Contra to not come from Japan, the result is fantastic. The game looks great, the game-play is polished to a crystal shine, and the balance and level design is as perfect as Contra has ever gotten.

It's loaded with extra unlockable content including a challenge mode, a Contra museum that pays homage to the previous games, and even emulated versions of the original NES classics, Contra and Super-C. I don't often say this about modern games (with the possible, but not certain exception of Metroid Prime) but Contra 4 is the probably the best Contra game ever made. It may be designed for a niche audience but it's nice to see something like this can still be made in 2007. This is the only game on my list today that I haven't beaten yet and it'll probably be a long, long time until I do and that's what Contra is all about.

9 out of 10

HD vs. Blu-Ray: The Great "Who Cares?" War.

2007-12-24T11:04:00.001-05:00

What better topic is there to discuss on Christmas Eve than something many greedy boys and girls will find under their trees this year. An HD-DVD player or a Blu-Ray DVD player. Both are expensive status symbols that have absolutely no real use.

Maybe even more so than the argument over which new video game console to buy people are causing drama all over the Internet about these overpriced cup holders. To be honest I don't know much about either of them. I don't know the numbers and statistics and which one is truly better or truly worse. No, what I know is that they're both ridiculous.

Now I'm used to people arguing about graphics when it comes to things like video games, that's always been a driving force in the industry. Movies however, I cannot comprehend. This "High-Definition" resolution is a load of shit. A good LCD TV with normal definition looks perfectly fine to me. I'm even satisfied with an old CRT and a VCR cassette. I'll admit the jump from cassette to DVD was a much needed one, but now we're just picking nits.

For the price you'll pay for a sharper image it's absolutely ridiculous. It's just a scam by the movie industry to make addicted movie nuts buy their entire DVD collections all over again. The thing is I wouldn't even mind this new format if they put the memory to good use. They can fit entire season, hell in some cases entire shows, onto a single disk, eliminating the need for huge box sets. But no, instead they uncompress the video and audio and one movie fits on a disk again. Fuck the marginally higher quality, fuck several thousand dollar home theaters. I just want to see the movie. I just want copies of my favorite TV shows that won't take up by whole shelf and cost $200.

And trust me, there's a lot of people out there who would agree. Why else would movie piracy be so rampant? Those people are obviously not worried about picture quality now are they? You get what you pay for I guess but in this case you're not getting a hell of a lot more.

DVDs still control the majority of the market, and I don't expect that to change any time soon. Almost every modern movie that would be better served viewed in HD has been a terrible movie anyway, so what's the point? There's so many things in the world that we can be working at to make better, and movie viewing shouldn't be one of them. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, or it might get broken really fast.

But I digress, I suppose it's just my personal opinion that these movies seriously don't look better enough to warrant ever wanting to bother with an upgrade. If you absolutely HAVE to see Optimus prime in HD then don't let my angry rant stop you. It's your money. Go keep up with the Jones's or the rest of the Internet might laugh at you for falling behind.

LOL I LUV BIBLE

2007-12-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

I hate to make another political post this soon but I just watched Mitt Romney's speech on religion and it has me furious.

He's trying to pretend he's a new age JFK though now it looks like his campaign is more about religion than ever before as he continues to suck the cock of Evangelicals, desperately trying to latch on to their votes. Attention Mitt Romney: I don't hate you because you're a Mormon I hate you because you're a dick.

He was giving a speech in front of mostly family and friends who of course applauded and gave him standing ovations like it was some kind of canned laughter on a sitcom. He's just so fake and plastic that it hurts. He's like that arrogant president in any generic Hollywood movie that causes the downfall of the nation.

None of this is what really pissed me off though. He says that we need to bring "religion back into the public domain" and that there's "a new religion of secularism" and that those people "are wrong." Way to attack voters Romney. You preach tolerance for all religions except for people who don't practice religion. I guess you figure they're all democrats and won't be voting for you anyway. Still calling any block of voters "wrong" is one of the stupidest things he could've said when he was up there trying to prove that religion won't affect his decisions as president. All I got from this speech was that religion will be a major factor in all of his decisions as president and secular people should start searching for a new country.

I don't understand what the America we're living in is anymore. It's like the middle ages and we're in the middle of the crusades. What's next? A return to radical puritanism? Religion is the cause of just about every armed conflict this generation has had to endure. Religion was an important tool in creating civilizations but we're past that now. We're a nation of laws not gods, not magic, not superstition.

Goodbye November

2007-11-30T13:06:00.000-05:00

At work today in the library someone had the one day stamper set to "November 31st" instead of December 1st. I really wish they were right and I was wrong but unfortunately that's not the case. It's not just because I have so much crap due for class next week it's like I'm stuck under a steam roller that has already crushed me up to my knees, but also because tomorrow is the beginning of the advent season and I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year.

You see, this will by the first Christmas without my grandmother, and the first Thanksgiving without my Grandmother was awkward enough. The difference is my Grandparents only came to my house for Thanksgiving (due to my parents being awesome at cooking), so the rest of my family wasn't involved. As much as I love my family's closeness, they tend to veer towards the dramatic, and nothing is more dramatic than this. We've always observed the same traditions every year, and it always seemed to revolve around the kids and my grandparents.

Last year the drama was centered around my drug using, knocked up for a second time cousin, but luckily it didn't have anything to do with me and I happily avoided those arguments and that tension. This year it seems unavoidable, and I'm afraid if one little stupid thing goes wrong there's going to be fits of crying and yelling and all sorts of Christmas cheer like that.

My Grandfather has had two heart attacks, and isn't really far behind his late wife. I love them both dearly. My grandmother was the sweetest most cool-tempered woman in the world. I certainly don't get my attitude from her. My grandfather on the other hand is more of the angry Archie Bunker archetype who's only happy when he's miserable, but he's a good man with his own charms. Lately he's been trying to get rid of his money, giving out 10k a piece to each one of his four daughters, my mother and aunts. One of my cousins however owes him a few thousand, and he's not going to be seeing it anytime soon, so he decided to take the money from their 10k instead of waiting to be repaid. This has ignited a lot of controversy over what he should be doing with his money. My uncle claims that they shouldn't be held accountable for what his son owes my grandfather, but his son is also struggling to raise kids with very little money and driving a tractor trailer for a living. He's looking a gift horse in the mouth and should be more than thankful that my grandfather is willing to wipe my cousin's slate clean and alleviate his debt. Maybe my uncle was just hoping my grandfather would kick the bucket before my cousin had to pay any of it back. I don't know. What I do know is that it's my grandfather's money and he should be allowed to do what he wants with it.

Personally I don't care about the money though I'm going to be 15 grand in debt at the end of college like most people. We've got some money put aside already and hopefully I'll have a job and health insurance (hopefully) and everything will be fine, best case scenario. I don't even want a single thing from the house because they're my grandparents, I love them, I don't care about the material possessions. I they need to leave me with are memories and the role they had in helping to raise me into the man I am today.

My grandfather was in the military and he has a sword hanging in the living room that he showed to me when I was a little kid, practically a toddler, though I still remember him sitting on the couch and taking it out of the sheathe for me. He told me that when he died I could have it. My aunt, the same one who isn't getting the full 10k this round of money-handing-out demanded that her son should get it, the same son that caused her to not receive the full 10k, because he was the first grandson. Honestly, I don't care, what infuriates me is the nit-picking and in-fighting that they're doing over my grandparent's possessions, things that I'll have a hard time even looking at once my grandfather is gone. My mother shares a similar sentiment. The only thing she wants out of the house is a pencil drawing we had done of my grandparents and all the grandchildren because it has sentimental value to her.

This is most likely going to be the topic of my Christmas this year. And I have to tell you. It's depressing as hell. I was close to my grandfather when I was little with at least weekly phone conversations so that we could watch professional wrestling together on TV (back when it was a bit more wholesome than it is today). I've had many, many happy Christmases with my family, but I'm afraid that this year everyone will be at each other's throats, preparing for the inevitable. It's like looters waiting for the next natural disaster to occur.

Republicans vs. The Internet

2007-11-29T14:22:00.000-05:00

So here I am blogging about the CNN Youtube debate like all the other cruddy bloggers out there. The real reason is I have some downtime and classes/projects have been pretty stressful lately as the semester winds down.

I've been paying attention to both parties this coming election unlike 2004 which was blatantly "Anyone but Bush." I might be paying more attention to the Republicans if only to assure myself that it can't get any worse than where we are right now. Anyway I feel like a fair portion of America does right now with neither side having done anything to excite or impress me. Our Democratic majority congress certainly hasn't.

The CNN Youtube debate is an interesting concept. In theory it should allow average people to ask questions to political candidates in a nation wide forum. In practice CNN just picks questions they would've asked anyway, but they're able to poke fun in ways they'd never be able to do thanks to their professionalism. For example they had somebody wave a bible in front of the candidates to test their religious beliefs and, true to Youtube form, had a guy with an acoustic guitar sing a song about the current political climate. CNN tried to create the illusion that the people were asking the questions but it wasn't really any different than any other debate except for some additional drama like an openly gay retired general challenging "don't ask don't tell."

In any case the debate was very telling and probably important in terms of who's going to win the primaries. Rudi Giuliani was very middle of the road, and is practically liberal on things like religion and abortion. I would support him more if he didn't come off as a bit hot-headed as he teased Mitt Romney about the illegal immigrants he employed to work at his mansion. The two front-runners argued like it was a forum flame war in front of the entire nation. Giuliani is a good guy, and he's proven that by doing a lot of great things for New York. I think people are selling him a little short when they're saying that he's just using 9/11 for his run at the presidency. Don't get me wrong, he probably is just using 9/11 fame for his campaign but at least he's got it more together than the other candidates and he's more centrist and isn't afraid to not agree with his party 100% of the time. He needs to work on that whole allowing torture like water boarding to be legal though. Most of the candidates on both the Republican and Democratic side have a stance on Homeland Security that I think is unacceptable. I can't believe how many people can sleep at night while supporting the Patriot Act.

Romney on the other hand is taking the opposite approach to Giuliani. The Mormon is obviously going for the Evangelical's love, and it's hard to blame him since the dumb fucks put Bush into office twice. I don't think he's very sincere about it though, he looks like a rat and he sounds like a rat. Fred Thompson's only triumph of the night (which was also a blunder because he submitted a negative advertisement to be aired during the debate) was to show a video of Mitt Romney in his youth saying that he supported Roe v Wade. Romney recovered by saying people change their decisions and he admitted he was wrong and we should all want a president that can admit he's wrong. Okay, sure, I used to be pro-life myself but the way Romney handled the issue of abortion is that it's a horrible unforgivable crime. Even though I'm pro-choice now I can still agree and work with what some pro-lifers have to say. I have a hard time believing anyone of even a tiny bit of intelligence would all of a sudden vehemently oppose something that they used to agree with without at least settling for some middle ground or understanding where the opposition's argument is coming from. He was also the only candidate who said he believed every single word in the bible. Literally. People already hate the fact that he's Mormon so I doubt it'll help him out much. It's safe to say that this slime-bag is my least desired candidate and his reign would result in four more years of the current state of the United States.

There's Mike Huckabee who tried to steal the show with a few lame jokes, taking pot shots at both the other candidates and the questions. People like him and he might gain some steam through that. He's also a minister who'll attract the evangelical vote. I don't think he's got the right stuff to be President and he's just hoping to coast to the White House on his image alone.

Fred Thompson... what about him? He's a waste of time. He basically admitted that he's going to cut funding to Social Security... uhm.... excuse me I mean "reform" Social Security. My bad. Totally not the same thing when the question is "What three government programs would you cut funding too to help alleviate the national debt?" He seemed pretty unprepared and definitely not in the same league as the other guys in terms of public speaking and likability with the general public. He's just your quintessential "old white guy" republican.

John McCain was McCain as always. Love him or hate him, I at least respect him. He seems like the most grounded, and one of the most intelligent, members of the Republican party. I don't agree with him on most of the issues but he has a "tells it like it is" attitude and has been willing to work with Democrats in the past to get things done. I think he's got the most experience and the best track record to be president if God is real and the Republicans prayed to him hard enough to win the election. He played on his Vietnam vet credibility, something he always does, to crush Mitt Romney in an argument about water boarding defying the Geneva Convention. He hates the war as much as any Democrat, and most words that come out of his mouth actually tend to make sense. I wouldn't vote for him, but I'd vote for him over anyone else at this debate. Unfortunately he doesn't really have a chance. He's tried this in the past and he's always failed because he has far too many enemies in the Republican Party and he doesn't pander to the massive voting block of brainwashed Evangelicals.

Finally there's Ron Paul. Holy shit Ron Paul. I can go on for hours about him but I won't. There's a few things I whole-heartedly agree with him about. Getting rid of NAFTA for one, and getting the fuck out of Iraq for two. Unfortunately he's also just a crazy libertarian and an isolationist. America has done a lot of damage to its image overseas in the last six or seven years and nows not the time for us to cut ourselves off from the world community and become a xenophobic powder keg. His push to get us back on the gold standard would probably also end in complete economic disaster though I doubt congress would ever let him do it if he was president. If Ron Paul had any ounce of brain, which he does not because he's not anymore intelligent than my 10th grade libertarian History professor, he'd run as a third party candidate, something that a large number of Americans are looking for right now. This was addressed by one Youtube question and he said that he was a Republican and he wouldn't do it. Unfortunately that means when the Republicans obviously don't pick him because he's insane, then if he runs as a third party candidate, people will call him a liar and a (I hate this term because it destroyed Kerry) a "flip-flopper." I do hope he runs though because he'll wind up splitting the vote. His massive following of Internet failures and white supremacy groups is another warning sign that you should stay away from Ron Paul. Oh, and he's from Texas.

Well that about wraps it up. We'll be seeing a lot of Romney vs. Giuliani and Clinton vs. Obama as we near the start of the primaries. It'll be good to see how they actually go after hearing all these predictions and poll results. If you're a die hard Republican or a die hard Democrat I can't recommend to you enough than to watch what the other side has to offer before you make your decision, and for the love of these United States don't be a single issue voter. Just because you're registered for one party doesn't mean you can't cross over and vote for somebody else. I feel a little hypocritical saying that because I'm a Democrat and I'll most likely vote Democrat. In any case, vote for who you think will be the better president, not for who will save the most unborn babies.

A Comic about Crohn's Disease

2007-11-02T12:40:00.001-04:00

I suffer from Ulcerative Colitis, an irritable bowel disorder that involuntarily controls just about every aspect of my life. It's a hard to talk about, embarrassing disease that hurts as much physically as it does socially and emotionally.

It's something that I like to keep from people if I can, many of my friends unaware that I'm ill even though I'm wracked with pain or tortured because I need to run to the bathroom multiple times during certain social situations.

There's just no good way to talk about it, and it could be worse. It's not life threatening at least and I have a pretty happy life regardless.

In any case an artist by the name of Tom Humberstone created the comic "Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Crohn's Disease," which is the same type of ailment as Ulcerative Colitis. The comic is funny though the topic is serious, it made me smile as much as it tried to jerk a few tears out of my eyes. I've been through much of the same pain and the same situations as Tom even though his disease started when he was much younger than mine did (my freshman year of college).

You can find the comic at here. It's an absolutely excellent work in my opinion though I admit it kind of has some special meaning to me. I'll definitely use it in the future if I ever find myself in another situation where I have to explain my illness.

A New Toy: Yobo's FC Game Console

2007-10-30T13:11:00.001-04:00

So a friend of mine just bought an old Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) last week off of eBay and I helped him replace the old, bent up 72 pin cartridge connector. It works like a dream now and to be honest I really got kind of sentimental about my old gray brick that I sold off for fifteen bucks a few years back when I was still in high-school like the moron that I am.

Anyway we were out looking for games at a local store that still carries old cartridges from trade-ins and for that same fifteen bucks sat the "Yobo FC Game Console," a popular Nintendo clone that's sold legitimately in the US ever since Nintendo's hardware patents ran out. I instantly had to be a copy-cat and buy up some games for myself, but unlike my reckless Sega Genesis collecting I promise to keep myself in check (As if I need something else to distract me). I'm only going for the honest to goodness classics or games that I personally have nostalgia for. In any case this little silver Yobo box has been a good jump start back into the land of NES games for me. I was just impressing some freshmen with my Super Mario Bros. skills, one of which had never played the game in his life, and goddammit do I feel old now.

In any case let's talk about the FC Game Console or as we've been affectionately calling it: the Yobo. Originally it was a Famiclone called the NeoFami (the name of the NES in Japan is the Family Computer or Famicom). A third party hardware company called Yobo decided to import the little box, roughly the size and height of two NES games, to the US with a 72 pin cartridge connector for US games and they were even nice enough to use Nintendo's proprietary NES controller ports so that you can use real honest to goodness Nintendo controllers. As you can see in the picture I got myself an old NES pad and a zapper that both work perfectly fine with the Yobo. We also tried out an NES Advantage arcade stick without any trouble. The two controllers the Yobo comes with are actually pretty nice and really comfortable with what's essentially a SNES style layout. They feature both slowdown and turbo functions which are also appreciated though like the Yobo itself they feel flimsy and shoddily constructed. Though I like the Yobo's sleek and minimalistic look (and the blue LED on the power button is a nice touch) there's always the fear of it breaking due to its cheap build.

The Yobo's game playing isn't perfect. The good thing is games will usually start up after only one or two tries which is nearly impossible with an original Nintendo (though those replacement pins have done wonder's for my friend's eBay trophy). The Yobo is built on an NOAC or NES-on-a-chip which means most of the functions that the hardware of the NES was responsible for are now being done on a single tiny chip. The problem with this is that in some games the sound will be off or the colors will not match perfectly with the original. This is only a minor complaint as I haven't had any serious problems so far. The only major games that the system is completely incompatible with are Castlevania III and Gauntlet and I can live without them (especially because Gauntlet II will work). I haven't run into any serious graphical glitches in other games though the system is prone to a bit more slow-down than a real NES, also not a problem for me. I might talk about some particular games at a later date. As you can see in the picture I snagged a copy of the marginally rare yellow-label Metroid that works like a dream in the Yobo.

Like I said, the Yobo is only a start. Though I don't feel like getting a legitimate NES again any time soon I'm thinking of grabbing a Generation NEX for Christmas. I've read it has many of the same problems as the Yobo but it's a much slicker, more legitimate looking device that also plays Famicom games (Which means I can pick up that fun little Macross shooter). This comparison by Run! Jump! Shoot! also recommends it as a good replacement model for the original though at $60 I'd much rather buy a Yobo. But hey, if we're talking Christmas gift then why not. If you want to get in on NES collecting and you're on a budget I can't recommend the Yobo enough. It's basic, it's got wonderful AV output that's probably better than that of the original NES, it works with all NES peripherals and most of all it's cheap.

Movie Review: Riki-Oh, The Story of Ricky

2007-10-25T14:30:00.000-04:00

It's been a few years now since I first saw this movie, but I recently bought it on DVD to show to a few of my friends. That's the thing about this movie, it's one thing to talk about it, but another thing to actually see it. The over-the top violence, the corny special effects, the absolutely hilarious English dubbing and the fact that the story makes absolutely no sense in the first place all make this movie completely unique and unbelievable.

Riki-Oh, literally meaning "King of Strength" was originally based on a corny Japanese manga that all but plagiarized the more popular Fist of the North Star in attempt to hitch a quick ride on its success. It was later franchised into two forgettable anime OVAs and the live action movie we're here to talk about today.

If you're a fan of cult classics like Sam Raimi's Evil Dead series or you just love corny, campy movies, old kung-fu movies or just movies with excessive violence and nonsensical plots then stop reading right now. This movie was crafted especially for you and you should go out and buy it this instant.

The movie follows our hero, Riki Ho, who has recently been imprisoned in the future, or rather "The year 2000," where prison systems have apparently become corporate sponsored and they're corrupt and producing opium and crap. Throughout the entire movie you don't often see prisoner's being locked up, they seem to have all sorts of weapons available to them somehow, and each wing of the prison is run by four leaders called "The gang of four."

Riki goes about defending the smaller and weaker prisoners and the Assistant Warden, a fat man with a metal claw arm and a glass eye that he keeps mints in, decides Riki is a trouble maker for shaking up the status quo and sics the gang of four on him. As this goes on Riki discovers the opium plot and lots of people get their heads crushed or disemboweled as Riki displays his martial arts skills and the strength of twenty men. At the end, just like a video game, Riki fights the Warden, an older gentlemen that transforms into an Incredible Hulk like monster as his final boss before breaking a hole in the prison wall and escaping as if he couldn't do that in the first place.

I can't even begin to describe the level of violence going on or how much of it even though it's obvious that rubber dummies are being destroyed and not actual people. The English dubbing makes things even worse, for example the gang of four are named Oscar, Rogan, Tarzan, and Brandon. Really now, Brandon? At least he's the most useless one. In standard video game cliche each one of these gang members has their own special ability, Oscar being balanced, Rogan being fast (and gay considering it's a male character with a female actor), Tarzan being a massive muscle-man that crushes people's heads (A clip that used to be featured on the Daily Show) and Brandon... well Brandon throws knitting needles attached to strings.

The story itself even without the dubbing is completely illogical, giving Riki practically no motivation for most of his actions except for introducing minor characters only to kill them a minute later and make Riki flip out and act as if his best friend was murdered. Like I said earlier other than prisoners killing each other the prison is more like a summer camp than a damned prison with inept guards and super powerful prisoners who could probably escape whenever they feel like it. Instead of just killing Riki with sustained machine gun fire (normal guns won't work he already took five bullets to the chest without any ill effects) they use very James Bond style tricks and traps that he foils every time with brute strength that they're well aware he possesses.

Let me just some of some of the things in this movie: A man cuts out his intestines and strangles the hero with them, a dog gets kicked in half, the hero is forced to eat razor blades and spits them into someone else's face, someone's back is skinned so they can hang his tattoo on the wall, a man is uppercutting in the neck and the fist comes out of his mouth. A fat man is punched through the gut causing everything to spill out, a man is shot with a gun that inflates him and makes him explode, the hero ties his own tendons together in his arm that is practically cut off and it's magically fixed and you know what I think that's enough you should be getting the picture by now.

Riki-Oh is just... well there's just nothing else quite like it. It's also the first non-pornographic movie in Hong Kong to receive the equivalent of an X rating in the United States. It more than deserves to be a cult classic despite still being relatively unknown, but I guess that's one of the things I like about it. If you're still curious a complete story synopsis with some great animated gifs can be found here at I-Mockery.com but I'm hoping someone is already sold.

Dorm Survival Foods: Part 2

2007-10-05T17:22:00.000-04:00

Junk food is a necessary evil considering the food offered by my meal plan is pretty horrible. That being said Andy Capp's Hot Fries are one one of my all time favorite salty junk foods. For those of you not familiar with Andy Capp he's a classic comic strip character and a lazy couch potato who beats his wife (at least in the early comics). This obviously makes him the perfect mascot for a junk food product.

The fries themselves I guess are made out of the same kind of stuff as a cheese puff, I'm not entirely sure about that. Despite the name “fries” I'm pretty sure there's no potato going on here. The texture is completely different. It's like the people who designed this snack new how to make the perfect crunch, it's absolutely addictive no matter which flavor of fries you're eating. There's a few flavors but the most common are “hot” and “cheddar.” Cheddar is good when your stomach isn't in the mood for something spicy and has its own unique flavor (that doesn't taste like cheddar but it's good anyway).

The real star here however is the Hot Fries. I can't really describe their flavor other than it's absolutely delicious. There's nothing else like them out there. As for the heat it's not unbearable. I get mixed reactions from some people who say they're too hot for them to handle while others claim they aren't hot enough. I've eaten a bag of them without water but honestly if I'm going to dig in to some Hot Fries I want a drink to be nearby.

It's hard to eat them religiously because I get so addicted that I always have to finish an entire bag of them and afterwards I never want to see another fry for the next few months. That's fine, every now and then I get in the mood for them and they make a great occasional snack. You'll just never see a permanent supply of them on my shelf. Another problem is the mess. You will get greasy orange crap on your fingers so make sure you've got some paper towels ready. The Cheddar Fries aren't quite as messy but orange fingertips are the price you have to pay for the ultimate flavor.

If you see some Andy Capp's Fries sitting around and you haven't tried them before you're doing your taste buds a great disservice and you're denying yourself a unique experience. They're usually only a dollar a bag and are sometimes on sale for fifty cents a bag so you have no excuse. Go eat some Hot Fries.

9/10 (Point taken away for messiness and killing my stomach when I eat an entire bag.)

I Need to Vent

2007-10-04T15:16:00.000-04:00

College campuses have recently been a hot-spot in the media thanks in part to Virginia Tech and other shootings or less drastic phony threats for shootings or bombings. Where there's media attention you're sure to draw wackos wanting to grab some of it for their own selfish purposes. My campus is no different. The week of the Virginia Tech shooting we were invaded by a fundamentalist group of born again Evangelical Christians, or as I like to call them "The Jesus Camp People." To make a long story short they were literally run off of my very liberal campus by a mob of angry students inciting a debate about freedom of speech and delivering the media attention that the group was looking for. To make matters worse that particular day was also the gay and lesbian day of silence and that was one of the issues that the Evangelicals were being very vocal about.

This year we already had one group of Christians with pictures of aborted fetuses that the women's center quickly responded to by standing in front of the images with umbrellas (to block the pictures). The "Repent America" group that showed up last year is scheduled to make a return next week. There's a lot of paranoia and preparation going on on both sides and any way you want to cut it it's an absolutely ridiculous waste of time. They want us to react, that's the reason they're coming. I know they're border-line retarded but I have a hard time believing they think they're going to convert one person to their hypocritical mess of a religious belief system. I don't think I need to spend any time explaining just how extreme and confused these people are. They just want to feel important, they want to feel like they belong to a greater whole and a greater good. Everyone wants to feel wanted and they enjoy the power to band together and bully people who practice things they find offensive or disgusting all the while acting as if they're the group that's being oppressed.

To them colleges are a cesspool of sin and liberalism making them feel as if they're some enlightened moral intellect in a sea of wrong-doing. If they followed what Christianity truly preaches then they wouldn't be harassing people. They're supposed to be in a religion of tolerance and forgiveness but in reality they're hateful bigots who aren't intellectual enough to question themselves. They've used circle logic to make themselves believe everything science has learned is wrong while they live comfortably in the technology driven United States leaching off the gifts of science which they do nothing but complain about. And it's not that they really, truly believe in what they're preaching either. They just want to be part of a group that makes them feel special and more important, especially important on a cosmic level. The belief comes later after they convince themselves with group think that they're the stewards of the undeniable truths of the universe. They have trouble understanding their own bible or text books not written for one of their creationist home-schooling programs so I highly doubt that.

And don't get me wrong, it's not as if atheists are any better. They've turned their hatred of religion and their own special blend of intolerance into a religion of its own. They have their own literature that they live and die by and conventions with buttons and fliers and of course they stage their own protests in front of people who don't give a flying-shit and would like to get on with their daily lives without someone telling them that God is dead every five steps. All they're doing is playing a game, out for group acceptance while getting off because they're part of a group of like minded individuals out offending people that they've all painted with the same brush. Both sides are crusading for a religion even if they don't know it or understand it themselves. They look at the whole world as being one extreme or the other because they lack the will to chose their own philosophies, instead gathering a circle of extremist friends to both form and validate their opinions on the inner workings of the universe. Nobody wins, ever.

If both sides would put this much effort into solving the world's real problems instead of waging a name-calling war like a bunch of elementary school twats then maybe they'd actually be able to help people. Nobody has the answers no matter how hard they want to believe they do. If we all started using a little common sense or at least stopped to listen what the other side has to say once in a while maybe we'd get somewhere. Even though we'd still disagree we can at least learn to respect ideas. Without our own thoughts we're not even human.

Dorm Survival Foods: Part 1

2007-09-17T11:46:00.000-04:00

Living in a dorm for my fourth year, I've learned to subsist on foods that can be either eaten immediately, or are easy to prepare. Other factors are shelf life, and of course expense. Most but not all of the foods I'm going to feature have been procured from the dollar store.

I'd like to start off with an old standby. Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, though any dollar store variant will suffice. I decided to choose this as the first entry into my college food collection because I still haven't been feeling all that well and it's been a little chilly outside as Fall is just starting to kick in. In both of those situations, nothing is better than a nice hot bowl of soup, and nothing is cheaper or simpler than chicken noodle. I'm a picky eater, and I'm not really fond of foods that are too complicated so I like to keep it simple.

The soup can be quickly and easily prepared in any microwave, just add water, and it really doesn't taste any different than if you cooked it on a stove top. My only real complaint is the sodium content though I'm not the kind of guy who drinks all of the broth so this rarely results in headaches. Like the old myth that it cures the common cold, I generally feel better after eating a bowl.

It can't really compete with non-condensed soups or the tastier and more exotic varieties of ramen noodles which we'll get to later in the semester, but when I'm feeling too sick to eat something complicated, it does the job well. For fifty cents a can at the dollar store it's also easy on the wallet. Unfortunately I rarely feel very full after eating it and usually have to supplement it with something else.

Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup gets a dorm-food rating of 7/10.

"I am Iron Man"

2007-09-13T11:13:00.000-04:00

So after years of waiting my favorite super-hero is finally going to make it to the big screen in May. The Iron Man teaser trailer was just released earlier this week you can see it at Apple or MTV if you don't have Quicktime.

I have to say I wasn't expecting much going into this but I'm pretty impressed. Hollywood has already proven to me with the fun popcorn movie that is Transformers that they're not entirely incapable of churning out decent, if not mindless, action films based on well loved franchises but this really took me by surprise since I haven't really been following the movie news and didn't know they were this close to a trailer. Also, I wasn't expecting them to actually play Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" which has nothing to do with the Marvel hero, though that's never a bad thing.

First of all, Iron Man will be the first movie that Marvel produces in house. I suppose this is a good thing, Marvel doesn't have to answer to a higher power when writing the script. Earlier this year they came out with an animated Iron Man movie as a part of their animation line which also produced the half-decent Ultimate Avengers movies but I was pretty unhappy with how they handled Iron Man in that. They almost entirely changed his background and completely ruined the Mandarin which I won't get into but I wanted to mention it because from what I can tell from the trailer and other news sources, this movie will be a lot truer to Iron Man's roots and will even feature one of my personal favorite Iron Man villains. I was shocked and excited that Obidiah Stane, AKA the Iron Monger would be the villain in this movie over Mandarin because although he played a part in one of the greatest Iron Man story arcs ever that was back in the 80's and not many new fans that jumped onto the Iron Man boat with Extremis and Civil War have never even heard of him. Unfortunately most of Iron Man's villains are like that, his rogue's gallery is pretty weak and has always been one of the negative aspects of the comic. In any case the industrialist competitor Stane is an exception and this means we'll have an Iron Man vs. Iron Monger fight at the end of the movie which is something I've dreamed of for years. They couldn't pick a better story arc to make a movie about even though it's been said that they've chosen not to explore Tony Stark's alcoholism until a possible sequel.

One thing I was really pleased with was the armor designs. The original armor looks crappy and hobbled together like it's supposed to, the Iron Monger looks big and ugly like he's supposed to, and the current Iron Man armor looks like it's just flown right out of the comics as opposed to worrying early rumors that they'd be using an armor that looked like the one from Ultimate Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr. is also perfect for the role of Tony Stark, he's got the age and the wit, and the asshole nature to pull off an awesome and very convincing stark. Director Jon Favreau is really paying attention to detail and I've heard nothing but positive reactions from fan communities like Advanced Iron and even 4chan's /co/ who hates Iron Man (and rightfully so) since his character has been completely destroyed by the way he was written as a villain for Marvel's Civil War, though a recent encounter with Thor will hopefully help turn him around.

In other news, Robotech will be seeing a big screen adaption by Spider-Man's Tobey Maguire who wants to play the hero Rick Hunter. Macross fans are up-in-arms about this though really not much more is known about the film. It seems like an attempt at cashing in on Transformers to me though I personally have no complaints.

Week 1

2007-09-04T11:10:00.000-04:00

So I've been back to school for a week and it's been a little weird. It's hard for me to decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I haven't settled in as easily as usual which is a bit strange considering I'm a senior now. My brain just feels like I'm not quite back yet even though I've been through all of my classes now. I don't really hate my classes (with the exception of Spanish of course: my only remaining, stubborn, and evil gen-ed) , they're going to be challenging especially the high-level writing classes I now find myself in but they should also be pretty fun.

I've been socializing a lot which is strange for me, meeting a lot of new people even though I'll be kissing this place goodbye forever in a year. It's prevented me from doing a few other things I've wanted to do (like this blog) but I guess you've got to take the good with the bad. I keep waiting for things to die down and then return to my boring existence but so far that hasn't happened. I've been feeling obligated to be doing something constructive at all times.

Anyway, all I really have to complain about is my health. Anyone who lives in a dorm knows that Vitamin C should quickly become your best friend if you want to survive. I'm congested and have a bit of a cold and a constant headache and I've been over-all feeling worse and worse as each day goes by. I tried taking some allergy pills but so far no luck. I'm sure my diet of incredibly horrible dining hall food hasn't helped me either.

Genesis Does!

2007-08-25T11:45:00.003-04:00

Time to introduce you to another slightly embarrassing hobby of mine. Or maybe not, as I'm not as extreme as certain collectors out there. For some reason I started collecting all things Sega Genesis. I mean everybody's got a collection of something, why not Genesis games? It was cheap, fun, and I love the system to death. If you're part of my generation and you played video games you fell into one of three categories: You had a Sega Genesis, you had a Super Nintendo, or you were a spoiled rich kid and you had both. I, as you might have guessed, was one of the kids with a Genesis.

I'm not entirely sure why I hold this particular system in the highest regard in terms of nostalgia, I mean I had an Atari 2600 and a Nintendo Entertainment System well before I graduated to the mighty Mega Drive. I guess when I got my hands on the Genesis in the 4th grade I was just at the age where I was old enough to start really understanding video games. Then again my favorite system after the Genesis just so happens to be the Dreamcast, so maybe I'm just a Sega fanboy in denial.

Interestingly enough I've noticed a divide among gamers my age. The majority of those who had the Genesis are more into action oriented, arcade style games. Those with the Super Nintendo are more satisfied by adventure games and RPGs. This isn't really shocking considering those were the strong suits of their particular systems. You couldn't get the Genesis speed out of a Super Nintendo or the Super Nintendo graphics and sound out of a Genesis. There are of course exceptions and arguments for and against everything I just said but that's okay... let's continue.

Over the years I've collected 87 Genesis and 32X (an ill fated add on designed to deliver better graphics and sound) games and a bunch of peripherals. Some I'm proud of (Gunstar Heroes) and others... not so much (Batman Forever). My original intention was to collect all of the games I used to rent when I was younger and for the most part I've succeeded. I'm missing a few but a large chunk of my childhood has been safely purchased. The Genesis isn't the only system I collect for but it's been my main focus if only because it means the most to me. Also, let's not kid ourselves; it's the least expensive.

It seems strange, since I can just download the entire ROM collection for the Genesis and probably safely fit it onto one DVD but there's just something about having those little black carts and in some cases, their plastic clamshell boxes. I'm not that anal about collecting the boxes which raise their value since I don't aim to sell the games any time soon, however they are nice to have. It's a shame some great games like Vectorman were cursed with the late model paper boxes that don't look as good or hold up as well.

I also learned that collecting is a nice way to get involved in online communities (like Ken Horowitz's awesome Sega-16). It's fun to meet others and discuss what's good, what's terrible, what's rare, and what's so common you can find ten copies of it in your dumpster out back. I really like talking with people who share a common interest in something I enjoy and sometimes they can even help me find that stubborn piece of my collection I've been looking for. I found the act of collecting to be almost as exciting as the games themselves, if only for the old memories and the new friends.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for my savings account, I've slowed down my collecting in the past few months. I've gotten almost everything I want except for a few pieces that are so rare and expensive I doubt I'll ever manage to get my hands on them, I have my limits (here's looking at you M.U.S.H.A.). I'd recommend to anyone out there who's bored to try starting a collection of something they enjoy, it's a really rewarding experience.

I'll be keeping my eye open for the missing pieces of my collection. Just remember if you ever see a creepy guy filing through those archaic black cartridges in the back of your game store instead of swooning over the newest incarnation of Halo, it just might be me.

Who Digs Giant Robots?

2007-08-24T14:26:00.001-04:00

I thought I'd make my first real post about what I've been obsessed over the most lately, Giant Robots, Super Robots specifically. My interest in heroes of the technological nature started with three separate cartoons if I remember correctly. The first was Iron Man, on the Marvel Action Hour which also featured a great Fantastic Four cartoon that for whatever reason just didn't interest me as much. I don't know what it was about Iron Man, maybe I just didn't find other heroes all that believable. Cosmic Rays weren't going to turn me into a Stretch Armstrong and getting bitten by a radio-active spider would probably give me cancer instead of allowing me to stick to walls. Iron Man however was born of technology, an armored suit that gave an otherwise ordinary man incredible powers. That I could buy, that I believed in, and Iron Man became my favorite super hero from that point on.

Next came The New Adventures of Gigantor on the Sci-Fi channel. At this point I didn't even know what anime was, or Japanimation as my friends and I originally called it, and just saw the show as any other normal cartoon. There was really nothing shocking or out of the ordinary for American television and it could have easily passed as your average cartoon. Gigantor (Known as Tetsujin-28 back in Japan) was my first giant robot, and my first foray into the Super Robot genre. Every episode was predictable with young Jimmy Sparks and his remote control commanding a mechanical behemoth to pound the living hell out of whatever giant robot was unfortunate enough to be the villain of the day. Though simplistic and silly, I was young and impressionable and Gigantor hammer punched his way to my heart. I just recently got to see a bootleg of this series again (since sadly no official DVD exists) and I was surprised by how much I actually remembered about this show. It struck the same cord as Iron Man (coincidentally Tetsujin-28 is Japanese for Iron Man-28), technology seemed the most plausible way for me to dream about super powers which probably branched off into my interest in science fiction in general. The impression this show left and the idea of fighting the forces of evil with a giant mechanical titan stayed with me for a long time, and was only strengthened by a brief obsession with Saban's Power Rangers like most male children my age. Despite not being as complex I still think Gigantor is cooler than the Megazord.

The third and final reason for my giant robot obsession was Robotech. Cartoon Network wasn't carried by my cable network for very long before the block called Toonami was created (It was much better in its original form than it is today). Robotech had been around for a while before then, but this was the first time I was able to see it. I know you otaku out there are screaming, "But it's three bastardized anime that are inferior in their Robotech form." I understand all that but for nostalgia purposes, the Robotech version of Macross is what influenced me, not the original (Which I also enjoy but that's not the point right now). I don't feel like explaining what all that means here so check out the wiki if you don't know what the heck I'm mumbling about. Despite Toonami showing another Super Robot show in the form of Voltron it was Robotech that caught my interest, the first Real Robot show I was ever exposed to. The soap opera like story telling was different than anything Western animation had provided me with thus far. Robotech challenged my beliefs in hero archetypes. This was a cartoon where no one was perfect, the bad guys weren't outright evil, and the goodguys sometimes lost or even died. This was mind-blowing for me at the age I watched it, almost incomprehensible. The action was fast and vicious and anything could happen to anyone. The robots themselves were as vulnerable as any other war machine instead of the invincible techno-gods I was used to (and the fact that they transformed into cool jet fighters didn't hurt either). After Robotech my love for all kinds of robot heroes flourished, in the hope of recapturing some of the magic I felt watching those earlier shows.

So let this post serve as a warning, if I ever get bored you might find me writing some reviews for robot shows or video games and rambling on about rocket punches and invincible super alloys.

Intarwab Two Point Oh

2007-08-24T13:24:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my little blog, documenting my last year of college and beyond. Here-in you will be exposed to the ramblings of a geek just trying to find some place to publish his thoughts and interests. If people decide to read along with whatever I'm obsessed over on a day to day basis then so be it, if not that's fine too.

In any case, I'll skip the introductions because at this point nobody is reading and it'll be easier to get to know me through what I write about. You might be wondering about the title, it's just a play on words that partially pokes fun at by aversion to blogs or things like MySpace, LiveJournal and Facebook. I used to think those things were pretty vain, people using the Internet for all the wrong reasons. Blogs and online diaries just seemed like joke to me, like some futuristic version of a journal except the people you were talking to were real instead of imaginary. It just seemed unnecessary . I didn't get the point of publishing my thoughts on the web, who am I to jump online and make pages designed to boost my feeling of self-importance? I'd seen too many people make fools of themselves and get trolled off the net and I really didn't want to be a part of it.

Well I'm a little older and perhaps wiser now, and I've decided a blog might be a good place to publish my thoughts, even if nobody else is reading it's psychologically satisfying to believe someone else is. Over the next several weeks I plan to write about whatever I'm thinking about at the time while offering you, the great Intarwebs, an insight into the mind of an anonymous and geeky English major heading headlong into one of those nasty transitional moments in life.