A New Toy: Yobo's FC Game Console

So a friend of mine just bought an old Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) last week off of eBay and I helped him replace the old, bent up 72 pin cartridge connector. It works like a dream now and to be honest I really got kind of sentimental about my old gray brick that I sold off for fifteen bucks a few years back when I was still in high-school like the moron that I am.

Anyway we were out looking for games at a local store that still carries old cartridges from trade-ins and for that same fifteen bucks sat the "Yobo FC Game Console," a popular Nintendo clone that's sold legitimately in the US ever since Nintendo's hardware patents ran out. I instantly had to be a copy-cat and buy up some games for myself, but unlike my reckless Sega Genesis collecting I promise to keep myself in check (As if I need something else to distract me). I'm only going for the honest to goodness classics or games that I personally have nostalgia for. In any case this little silver Yobo box has been a good jump start back into the land of NES games for me. I was just impressing some freshmen with my Super Mario Bros. skills, one of which had never played the game in his life, and goddammit do I feel old now.

In any case let's talk about the FC Game Console or as we've been affectionately calling it: the Yobo. Originally it was a Famiclone called the NeoFami (the name of the NES in Japan is the Family Computer or Famicom). A third party hardware company called Yobo decided to import the little box, roughly the size and height of two NES games, to the US with a 72 pin cartridge connector for US games and they were even nice enough to use Nintendo's proprietary NES controller ports so that you can use real honest to goodness Nintendo controllers. As you can see in the picture I got myself an old NES pad and a zapper that both work perfectly fine with the Yobo. We also tried out an NES Advantage arcade stick without any trouble. The two controllers the Yobo comes with are actually pretty nice and really comfortable with what's essentially a SNES style layout. They feature both slowdown and turbo functions which are also appreciated though like the Yobo itself they feel flimsy and shoddily constructed. Though I like the Yobo's sleek and minimalistic look (and the blue LED on the power button is a nice touch) there's always the fear of it breaking due to its cheap build.

The Yobo's game playing isn't perfect. The good thing is games will usually start up after only one or two tries which is nearly impossible with an original Nintendo (though those replacement pins have done wonder's for my friend's eBay trophy). The Yobo is built on an NOAC or NES-on-a-chip which means most of the functions that the hardware of the NES was responsible for are now being done on a single tiny chip. The problem with this is that in some games the sound will be off or the colors will not match perfectly with the original. This is only a minor complaint as I haven't had any serious problems so far. The only major games that the system is completely incompatible with are Castlevania III and Gauntlet and I can live without them (especially because Gauntlet II will work). I haven't run into any serious graphical glitches in other games though the system is prone to a bit more slow-down than a real NES, also not a problem for me. I might talk about some particular games at a later date. As you can see in the picture I snagged a copy of the marginally rare yellow-label Metroid that works like a dream in the Yobo.

Like I said, the Yobo is only a start. Though I don't feel like getting a legitimate NES again any time soon I'm thinking of grabbing a Generation NEX for Christmas. I've read it has many of the same problems as the Yobo but it's a much slicker, more legitimate looking device that also plays Famicom games (Which means I can pick up that fun little Macross shooter). This comparison by Run! Jump! Shoot! also recommends it as a good replacement model for the original though at $60 I'd much rather buy a Yobo. But hey, if we're talking Christmas gift then why not. If you want to get in on NES collecting and you're on a budget I can't recommend the Yobo enough. It's basic, it's got wonderful AV output that's probably better than that of the original NES, it works with all NES peripherals and most of all it's cheap.

Movie Review: Riki-Oh, The Story of Ricky

It's been a few years now since I first saw this movie, but I recently bought it on DVD to show to a few of my friends. That's the thing about this movie, it's one thing to talk about it, but another thing to actually see it. The over-the top violence, the corny special effects, the absolutely hilarious English dubbing and the fact that the story makes absolutely no sense in the first place all make this movie completely unique and unbelievable.

Riki-Oh, literally meaning "King of Strength" was originally based on a corny Japanese manga that all but plagiarized the more popular Fist of the North Star in attempt to hitch a quick ride on its success. It was later franchised into two forgettable anime OVAs and the live action movie we're here to talk about today.

If you're a fan of cult classics like Sam Raimi's Evil Dead series or you just love corny, campy movies, old kung-fu movies or just movies with excessive violence and nonsensical plots then stop reading right now. This movie was crafted especially for you and you should go out and buy it this instant.

The movie follows our hero, Riki Ho, who has recently been imprisoned in the future, or rather "The year 2000," where prison systems have apparently become corporate sponsored and they're corrupt and producing opium and crap. Throughout the entire movie you don't often see prisoner's being locked up, they seem to have all sorts of weapons available to them somehow, and each wing of the prison is run by four leaders called "The gang of four."

Riki goes about defending the smaller and weaker prisoners and the Assistant Warden, a fat man with a metal claw arm and a glass eye that he keeps mints in, decides Riki is a trouble maker for shaking up the status quo and sics the gang of four on him. As this goes on Riki discovers the opium plot and lots of people get their heads crushed or disemboweled as Riki displays his martial arts skills and the strength of twenty men. At the end, just like a video game, Riki fights the Warden, an older gentlemen that transforms into an Incredible Hulk like monster as his final boss before breaking a hole in the prison wall and escaping as if he couldn't do that in the first place.

I can't even begin to describe the level of violence going on or how much of it even though it's obvious that rubber dummies are being destroyed and not actual people. The English dubbing makes things even worse, for example the gang of four are named Oscar, Rogan, Tarzan, and Brandon. Really now, Brandon? At least he's the most useless one. In standard video game cliche each one of these gang members has their own special ability, Oscar being balanced, Rogan being fast (and gay considering it's a male character with a female actor), Tarzan being a massive muscle-man that crushes people's heads (A clip that used to be featured on the Daily Show) and Brandon... well Brandon throws knitting needles attached to strings.

The story itself even without the dubbing is completely illogical, giving Riki practically no motivation for most of his actions except for introducing minor characters only to kill them a minute later and make Riki flip out and act as if his best friend was murdered. Like I said earlier other than prisoners killing each other the prison is more like a summer camp than a damned prison with inept guards and super powerful prisoners who could probably escape whenever they feel like it. Instead of just killing Riki with sustained machine gun fire (normal guns won't work he already took five bullets to the chest without any ill effects) they use very James Bond style tricks and traps that he foils every time with brute strength that they're well aware he possesses.

Let me just some of some of the things in this movie: A man cuts out his intestines and strangles the hero with them, a dog gets kicked in half, the hero is forced to eat razor blades and spits them into someone else's face, someone's back is skinned so they can hang his tattoo on the wall, a man is uppercutting in the neck and the fist comes out of his mouth. A fat man is punched through the gut causing everything to spill out, a man is shot with a gun that inflates him and makes him explode, the hero ties his own tendons together in his arm that is practically cut off and it's magically fixed and you know what I think that's enough you should be getting the picture by now.

Riki-Oh is just... well there's just nothing else quite like it. It's also the first non-pornographic movie in Hong Kong to receive the equivalent of an X rating in the United States. It more than deserves to be a cult classic despite still being relatively unknown, but I guess that's one of the things I like about it. If you're still curious a complete story synopsis with some great animated gifs can be found here at I-Mockery.com but I'm hoping someone is already sold.

Dorm Survival Foods: Part 2

Junk food is a necessary evil considering the food offered by my meal plan is pretty horrible. That being said Andy Capp's Hot Fries are one one of my all time favorite salty junk foods. For those of you not familiar with Andy Capp he's a classic comic strip character and a lazy couch potato who beats his wife (at least in the early comics). This obviously makes him the perfect mascot for a junk food product.

The fries themselves I guess are made out of the same kind of stuff as a cheese puff, I'm not entirely sure about that. Despite the name “fries” I'm pretty sure there's no potato going on here. The texture is completely different. It's like the people who designed this snack new how to make the perfect crunch, it's absolutely addictive no matter which flavor of fries you're eating. There's a few flavors but the most common are “hot” and “cheddar.” Cheddar is good when your stomach isn't in the mood for something spicy and has its own unique flavor (that doesn't taste like cheddar but it's good anyway).

The real star here however is the Hot Fries. I can't really describe their flavor other than it's absolutely delicious. There's nothing else like them out there. As for the heat it's not unbearable. I get mixed reactions from some people who say they're too hot for them to handle while others claim they aren't hot enough. I've eaten a bag of them without water but honestly if I'm going to dig in to some Hot Fries I want a drink to be nearby.

It's hard to eat them religiously because I get so addicted that I always have to finish an entire bag of them and afterwards I never want to see another fry for the next few months. That's fine, every now and then I get in the mood for them and they make a great occasional snack. You'll just never see a permanent supply of them on my shelf. Another problem is the mess. You will get greasy orange crap on your fingers so make sure you've got some paper towels ready. The Cheddar Fries aren't quite as messy but orange fingertips are the price you have to pay for the ultimate flavor.

If you see some Andy Capp's Fries sitting around and you haven't tried them before you're doing your taste buds a great disservice and you're denying yourself a unique experience. They're usually only a dollar a bag and are sometimes on sale for fifty cents a bag so you have no excuse. Go eat some Hot Fries.

9/10 (Point taken away for messiness and killing my stomach when I eat an entire bag.)

I Need to Vent

College campuses have recently been a hot-spot in the media thanks in part to Virginia Tech and other shootings or less drastic phony threats for shootings or bombings. Where there's media attention you're sure to draw wackos wanting to grab some of it for their own selfish purposes. My campus is no different. The week of the Virginia Tech shooting we were invaded by a fundamentalist group of born again Evangelical Christians, or as I like to call them "The Jesus Camp People." To make a long story short they were literally run off of my very liberal campus by a mob of angry students inciting a debate about freedom of speech and delivering the media attention that the group was looking for. To make matters worse that particular day was also the gay and lesbian day of silence and that was one of the issues that the Evangelicals were being very vocal about.

This year we already had one group of Christians with pictures of aborted fetuses that the women's center quickly responded to by standing in front of the images with umbrellas (to block the pictures). The "Repent America" group that showed up last year is scheduled to make a return next week. There's a lot of paranoia and preparation going on on both sides and any way you want to cut it it's an absolutely ridiculous waste of time. They want us to react, that's the reason they're coming. I know they're border-line retarded but I have a hard time believing they think they're going to convert one person to their hypocritical mess of a religious belief system. I don't think I need to spend any time explaining just how extreme and confused these people are. They just want to feel important, they want to feel like they belong to a greater whole and a greater good. Everyone wants to feel wanted and they enjoy the power to band together and bully people who practice things they find offensive or disgusting all the while acting as if they're the group that's being oppressed.

To them colleges are a cesspool of sin and liberalism making them feel as if they're some enlightened moral intellect in a sea of wrong-doing. If they followed what Christianity truly preaches then they wouldn't be harassing people. They're supposed to be in a religion of tolerance and forgiveness but in reality they're hateful bigots who aren't intellectual enough to question themselves. They've used circle logic to make themselves believe everything science has learned is wrong while they live comfortably in the technology driven United States leaching off the gifts of science which they do nothing but complain about. And it's not that they really, truly believe in what they're preaching either. They just want to be part of a group that makes them feel special and more important, especially important on a cosmic level. The belief comes later after they convince themselves with group think that they're the stewards of the undeniable truths of the universe. They have trouble understanding their own bible or text books not written for one of their creationist home-schooling programs so I highly doubt that.

And don't get me wrong, it's not as if atheists are any better. They've turned their hatred of religion and their own special blend of intolerance into a religion of its own. They have their own literature that they live and die by and conventions with buttons and fliers and of course they stage their own protests in front of people who don't give a flying-shit and would like to get on with their daily lives without someone telling them that God is dead every five steps. All they're doing is playing a game, out for group acceptance while getting off because they're part of a group of like minded individuals out offending people that they've all painted with the same brush. Both sides are crusading for a religion even if they don't know it or understand it themselves. They look at the whole world as being one extreme or the other because they lack the will to chose their own philosophies, instead gathering a circle of extremist friends to both form and validate their opinions on the inner workings of the universe. Nobody wins, ever.

If both sides would put this much effort into solving the world's real problems instead of waging a name-calling war like a bunch of elementary school twats then maybe they'd actually be able to help people. Nobody has the answers no matter how hard they want to believe they do. If we all started using a little common sense or at least stopped to listen what the other side has to say once in a while maybe we'd get somewhere. Even though we'd still disagree we can at least learn to respect ideas. Without our own thoughts we're not even human.