Goodbye November

At work today in the library someone had the one day stamper set to "November 31st" instead of December 1st. I really wish they were right and I was wrong but unfortunately that's not the case. It's not just because I have so much crap due for class next week it's like I'm stuck under a steam roller that has already crushed me up to my knees, but also because tomorrow is the beginning of the advent season and I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year.

You see, this will by the first Christmas without my grandmother, and the first Thanksgiving without my Grandmother was awkward enough. The difference is my Grandparents only came to my house for Thanksgiving (due to my parents being awesome at cooking), so the rest of my family wasn't involved. As much as I love my family's closeness, they tend to veer towards the dramatic, and nothing is more dramatic than this. We've always observed the same traditions every year, and it always seemed to revolve around the kids and my grandparents.

Last year the drama was centered around my drug using, knocked up for a second time cousin, but luckily it didn't have anything to do with me and I happily avoided those arguments and that tension. This year it seems unavoidable, and I'm afraid if one little stupid thing goes wrong there's going to be fits of crying and yelling and all sorts of Christmas cheer like that.

My Grandfather has had two heart attacks, and isn't really far behind his late wife. I love them both dearly. My grandmother was the sweetest most cool-tempered woman in the world. I certainly don't get my attitude from her. My grandfather on the other hand is more of the angry Archie Bunker archetype who's only happy when he's miserable, but he's a good man with his own charms. Lately he's been trying to get rid of his money, giving out 10k a piece to each one of his four daughters, my mother and aunts. One of my cousins however owes him a few thousand, and he's not going to be seeing it anytime soon, so he decided to take the money from their 10k instead of waiting to be repaid. This has ignited a lot of controversy over what he should be doing with his money. My uncle claims that they shouldn't be held accountable for what his son owes my grandfather, but his son is also struggling to raise kids with very little money and driving a tractor trailer for a living. He's looking a gift horse in the mouth and should be more than thankful that my grandfather is willing to wipe my cousin's slate clean and alleviate his debt. Maybe my uncle was just hoping my grandfather would kick the bucket before my cousin had to pay any of it back. I don't know. What I do know is that it's my grandfather's money and he should be allowed to do what he wants with it.

Personally I don't care about the money though I'm going to be 15 grand in debt at the end of college like most people. We've got some money put aside already and hopefully I'll have a job and health insurance (hopefully) and everything will be fine, best case scenario. I don't even want a single thing from the house because they're my grandparents, I love them, I don't care about the material possessions. I they need to leave me with are memories and the role they had in helping to raise me into the man I am today.

My grandfather was in the military and he has a sword hanging in the living room that he showed to me when I was a little kid, practically a toddler, though I still remember him sitting on the couch and taking it out of the sheathe for me. He told me that when he died I could have it. My aunt, the same one who isn't getting the full 10k this round of money-handing-out demanded that her son should get it, the same son that caused her to not receive the full 10k, because he was the first grandson. Honestly, I don't care, what infuriates me is the nit-picking and in-fighting that they're doing over my grandparent's possessions, things that I'll have a hard time even looking at once my grandfather is gone. My mother shares a similar sentiment. The only thing she wants out of the house is a pencil drawing we had done of my grandparents and all the grandchildren because it has sentimental value to her.

This is most likely going to be the topic of my Christmas this year. And I have to tell you. It's depressing as hell. I was close to my grandfather when I was little with at least weekly phone conversations so that we could watch professional wrestling together on TV (back when it was a bit more wholesome than it is today). I've had many, many happy Christmases with my family, but I'm afraid that this year everyone will be at each other's throats, preparing for the inevitable. It's like looters waiting for the next natural disaster to occur.